I can now feel when baby has the hiccups. I can see my stomach jump when she kicks hard and I can see my stomach move as she rolls around. As much as I want to revel in the magic and beauty of it all, I will admit that it's driving me a little nuts!
Of course I wouldn't change it for the world and I am thankful for the kicks because they let me know she is still OK in there. And feeling her get stronger is priceless. But...
I started feeling her little flutters at 14 weeks, which is quite early for a first time mom. And I'm 24 weeks as I write this. So it has been 10 weeks of kicks already. And I am still a month away from the time when I need to start counting the kicks to make sure she is not too busy but not to still. So I have months of kicking left to go.
I've read and heard that this is the most beautiful part of pregnancy, and it is precious to lay still in the evening and watch my belly flip and know that just below my palm is my daughter, but to me the kicks feel like an eye twitch. You know the feeling when your lower eyelid is fluttering? Well that is what it feels like except it's my tummy and it's a very good portion of the day.
More so at night. Last night I was desperately trying to fall asleep (wedged at all sides with pillows to support various swollen and sore body parts) and little lady just wouldn't lay still. So I was subjected to belly twitches until after 2:30 in the morning at which point I finally stopped checking the clock. I got up at 6:00 am for work.
Now, there are times when she doesn't kick and these times seem to last about a day and a half. I bet you think that must be quite a relief for me? NO! It's even worse when she doesn't kick because it always seems to be just long enough for me to convince myself that something is terribly wrong in there. And once the idea that she might be in peril is in my head I quickly spiral out of control. Do I call my midwife? Do I read the chapters in the pregnancy books that have already explained to me that this is normal? Do I just say "F it" and head to the emergency room because after all I pay taxes and this could be an emergency? Do I wait it out? By then will it be to late?
Yup no kicking is definitely worse than constant kicking. So I'm stuck.
To my friends that say, "isn't it the most beautiful feeling ever?" I say you either have nerves of steal and can switch seamlessly between the equivalent of Chinese water torture and the sinking horror that something might be wrong with your baby or you are a liar!
I will tell it like it is: Yes, baby kicks are entertaining for about 20 minutes a day. Then their presence subtly gets under your skin (pun intended) for the rest of the day. Then the kicks stop and for a little while you can relax. And then the panic sets in that the kicks have stopped and you spend the next few hours bargaining with God. Then the whole pattern repeats.
Yes. Nature is beautiful.
Hahahahaha! this post reminds me of how terribly miserable and stressed out I was during pregnancy. Yes, it's a beautiful thing but it's also probably the most awful thing you will ever willingly subject yourself to! It gets worse as the days go by, especially as the baby barely moves towards the end and you start to wonder if they are alive in there and you are so uncomfortable and swollen you can barely sleep for an hour at a time at night. (not to mention once you DO fall asleep you'll need to wake up to pee 20 mins later and it will feel like you're going to pee your pants and you'll only pee about 1/2 a teaspoon). Once you get to the end and you see your precious baby for the first time you won't remember how wonderfully awful pregnancy was - I swear it...and THAT is the most beautiful part ;)
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