Life Goes On.

Babe catching some zzz's while I make some
extra cash helping my aunt with her taxes.

Babe and I have always done a lot of stuff just the two of us. But now that I am officially a single mom there’s a finality lurking in the shadows on every outing. Before the separation Babe and I were doing things alone but I knew J was at work, or at home. I knew that he could come if he wanted to and that maybe he would come the next time.

Out for dinner.

But now I know it’s going to be just us on the outings. There’s no chance that it might be three. While it’s a relief to just go ahead and do things without being disappointed when J decides not to join us, it is sad to see all the other families when we go out.

I guess it’s because it’s summer and everyone is on holidays that now we see families wherever we go.

When we eat out we inevitably get seated in the family section where the other tables have two parents sipping their wine and trying to get the baby to take a bite of something.

When we go to the park we see mommies and daddies teaching their toddlers how to ride a bike or fly a kite.

Currently Babe and I are on my beloved Hornby Island for a vacation and the other day I took her to Whaling Station Bay for the first time. Babe had lots of fun crawling all over the sand. She was thrilled to be free to go as far as she cared to in any direction.  We built a sandcastle and dug a hole and played in the tide pools and the waves.

Playing dress-up with Mommy's jewelry.

But while Babe was having a blast I had mixed emotions. Part of me was so excited to be with my baby in the place I love. I’ve daydreamed about this first summer with my baby for so long and to have that dream finally realized is pretty awesome. But of course it was a little bittersweet. Under the other beach umbrellas and sitting on towels were whole families having fun at the beach together. The fathers were building sand castles, swishing their babies through the waves and running back to the cars for forgotten items. It’s funny that just something as little as seeing a man put sunscreen on his wife’s back kinda hurt a little.

And it was probably just me but I felt like people were wondering where my husband was or feeling sorry for me because I had no company and no help with the baby.

But we had a good time anyway. And Babe even had a nap at the beach, which allowed me some grown-up reading time!

I’m currently reading Two Kisses For Maddy by Matt Logelin. I stumbled across his blog while playing on my phone and nursing late one night. It’s been around for a long time now but it was new to me. Logelin writes about raising his baby girl on his own after the sudden death of his wife only hours after the birth. His blog is touching; both heart-breaking and heart-warming. And I figured since I am now finding my footing as a single mother of a (relatively) new baby I could maybe find some solace in his book. And I have. It’s a beautiful story about Logelin’s struggle to overcome his personal grief while raising his new daughter. I highly recommend it if you are still looking for a good beach read.

Anyway, I feel that this vacation will set the tone for how well we can handle the next few months as we transition into a one-parent household and I return to work. So far it hasn’t been easy. Babe is back to sleep training which means she has been crying off an on all night and practically insufferable during the day. And my parents have been visiting Hornby as well so I’ve actually had some help. But they leave tomorrow so here’s hoping I can make it at least another week. We’re really roughin’ it up here. I have no TV or Internet (I have to go to the school just to post this) and Babe and I are living in a one-room cabin with no running water. It’s a lot of work but I’ve waited years to have this time at Hornby with my very own baby!

Life goes on. 

Playing in the ocean while waiting for the ferry.

At the beach.

Sleeping at the beach.

Testing out the new stroller for its intended function - walking around Helliwell.