Monday, August 22, 2011

A Bigger Nest.


J and I just moved into our apartment near Main Street last June. Of course, once we found out we were having a baby we realized our place would be too small, and the lack of an elevator was suddenly a huge drawback.

So as much as we both loved the neighbourhood (except for the Glass Bastards and the Red Patio Party People) we knew we would have to start looking again. Against everyone's advice we put off moving to a more expensive place until the last minute, strictly to save money. So we're packing up and shipping out next week.

The rental market in Vancouver sucks. I won't go into a long rant here because I'm going to tell a long story instead. If you'd like to hear last year's rant on looking for an apartment please see my Airika Owen blog.

I broke down first and decided we'd get a better bang for our buck in Richmond. It wasn't easy to convince J. In fact, he still isn't convinced, but too bad. With the new Canada Line getting out of Richmond is really easy. I reasoned that since J will be in school all day it'll be me that has to be in the apartment and neighbourhood all day and I wanted a nice place with an actual dishwasher and washer/dryer GASP!!! These appliances have not been standard issue in my last few apartments, in fact the one we're in now doesn't even have a double sink.

So now that we have a place and the pressure of looking has been replaced with the pressure of packing I thought I would include a funny story about our search in Richmond.

Most of the apartments/condos in Richmond aren't rentals. Meaning that owners rent out their individual units instead of a landlord in charge of a whole building. A lot of owners don't live nearby so many times the person showing the place works for a real estate company that represents the owners and finds the new tenants.

One evening J and I have an appointment to view an apartment in a building we really like. By now it's the end of the day and my not so little body is pretty worn out from trucking through potential nests. The people from **** rental company are over half and hour late for the appointment, leaving four couples standing at the lobby doors waiting.

When they finally arrive they can't get the fob for the front doors to work. After another 15 minutes of standing around they finally pressure a reluctant resident to allow all 10 of us in.

When we get to suite 706 the keys for the door won't work either. We stand around making awkward conversation with the other prospective tenants while Ms. Real Estate and her assistant jiggle and jimmy the useless key, call their boss Rob The Idiot and mumble apologies to us.

Finally a timid Muslim woman answers the door of the unit to the surprise of everyone. Although she can't speak English she clearly understands that the rental people are expecting her to vacate the residence immediately and they have brought a posse (who are craning their necks trying to get a look at the inside of the apartment) to get the job done. She shuts the door and one of the couples not so gracefully bow out and disappear back into the elevator.

Another few minutes of trying to reach Rob and then the terrified woman re-opens the door and passes out a phone with her husband (who can speak English) on the line. He explains to our tour guides that they have the wrong unit (SURPRISE, SURPRISE) and asks us to leave his wife alone. She no doubt is expecting to be seized by immigration and deported right there on the spot. Poor lady.

Finally Rob calls back and informs his useless staff that they have the wrong building and the unit we want to see is in the building next door. We all file back into the elevator.

On the trip down I'm talking to another couple who are also expecting a baby. She is less than three months pregnant and has only the tiniest bump on her slim frame. She is also dressed to the nines with full hair, jewelry, nails and make-up and they both look like they are hitting the club after they find an apartment. While I'm telling her about the symptoms of pregnancy that lay ahead for her and trying not to bump my huge belly into everyone in the elevator Ms. Real Estate loudly informs all present company that this woman is "still so hot for a pregnant person".

Um thanks. Of course she's hot, she's done-up like a teenage drag queen and her baby is the size of a strawberry. Let's see how hot she is in five months! Stupid Ms. Real Estate.

The fob lets us into the next building and we head up to 706. This time we can hear someone inside but they aren't opening the door to this motley crew. Again we stand around rolling our eyes while the real estate couple fiddle with the keys and call Rob. He tells them he has again made a mistake and the building we're looking for is actually in the next block! Another couple bails and our chances of scoring the suite increase. I think about leaving too but I'm way to curious to see what happens next in this shit show.

Pregnant and exhausted I truck along behind the crew down the street to another building. Third time's the charm right? Now Rob calls and says it's unit 406, not 706. Again the fob opens the front doors to the building and we smoosh into the elevator. But not only will the fob not start the elevator, there is no fourth floor in this building. 1,2,3,5,6 all the way to 12. Why is there no fourth floor? I think because Richmond is predominantly Asian and four is an unlucky number in Asian culture.

For awhile we just stand in the elevator and laugh at the misfortune of Rob's team of jackasses while they speed dial their boss for the hundredth time. I'm hoping this is where the other couple give up, but they seem as determined as we are to see this through 'till the end.

Rob shuffles paperwork and sends us to a building around the corner which he assures his peeps is definitely the correct one. Why has the fob worked in the main doors of the other buildings? That's a question every resident of said buildings should be addressing to their strata.

The next building is much nicer and again the fob works. In the elevator the other couple asks if this unit is still the same price as the advertised unit (a fair question considering the staff's inability to function). Ms. Real Estate isn't sure but she thinks so.

The keys work and we get in! The place is swank. Far nicer than what was advertised and I immediately know there's no way that this is in our price range. The other couple don't seem to meet the same conclusion and are clearly dumbfounded by the good fortune of uncovering this gem in the $1200 rental range.

Now at the end of my rope I ask Ms. Real Estate how much the unit is. At first she says she isn't sure, then she says it might be $1550 but I should check with Rob tomorrow. I should check with Rob? Me?

J can now see steam coming out of my ears and instinctively knows I'm about to blow. He softly pleads with me not to make a scene while at the same time backing up a few steps because he knows it's all over for these losers. Like most guys he will now distance himself from his spouse rather than back her up.

I launch into a tirade about how they have dragged my pregnant (apparently not hot) ass all over Richmond only to tell me that the price has changed, they don't know by how much and I should spend tomorrow on the phone with their idiot boss trying to discern the real price. I tell her it's her job to find out and demand that she do so right away.

Again she says it might be $1550.

I collect myself and ask where the number 1550 is coming from since a moment ago in the elevator she didn't know the price. Once she realizes that pissing off a pregnant woman is tantamount to interfering with an angry rhino she admits that she has the price right in front of her.

I'm actually more amused than angry but I storm out with J and the other couple in tow just to make my point. No one takes the place.




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