Right from the get-go Babe was a pretty fussy little princess. In fairness, for the first three or four months she had terrible tummy troubles, so she was fussy for good reason. She spent almost every waking minute (which was 90 per cent of the damn time) being coddled in someone's arms because her little body was just writhing with gas pain. So by the time the tummy troubles subsided she was so used to being cuddled and catered to that she was furious any time she was "abandoned" for even a couple minutes.
For whatever reason she was and kinda still is a really fussy baby. She hated the car and screamed throughout the ride. She wouldn't sleep for longer than an hour at a time and woke up anytime she was put down in her bed. As she got bigger she grew more and more frustrated by her own limitations and so she screamed when she wasn't happy, at any time, for any reason. Sometimes she would simply stop what happy little thing she was doing and scream for no reason at all other than to remind me that, although temporarily sated, overall she was still miserable.
According to various statistics approximately 20 to 25 per cent of babies have colic - which is just a fancy word for, "We don't know what the hell is wrong with this miserable child". Babe was definitely colicky. For sure. And when doctors said that it usually resolves itself in the first four months or so I thought I was going to die. Four months seemed like a long time. But the days turned to weeks and before long Babe's colic had passed. Of course it was replaced by her general bad attitude so I never really noticed that I'd made it past the colic finish line.
Now Babe is almost 16 months old and often still cranky but looking back there were some points along the way where her temperament improved; milestones that helped ease some of her misery and made both our lives a little better. I thought I'd share them here so that this post can stand as a beacon of hope for any new mothers that are wondering, "When is this baby going to stop crying?"
I shall call these milestones or changes "rays of light" because that's exactly what they are and you'll only understand the term when you're buried in the dark cloud of exhaustion that a fussy newborn can bring. And don't be surprised if you don't notice the improvement until later, because for me anyway the improvements were subtle.
The first two rays of light happened around the same time, I can't remember now which came first.
Babe just didn't know how to settle herself at bedtime. She was fussy and fidgety and needed constant cuddling and shushing etc. to get her to sleep. And then she never slept for long. But I knew early on that part of the problem was that she was uncomfortable sleeping on her back - which is the recommended way for babies to sleep. And sure enough, as soon as she learned to roll over I couldn't keep her on her back anymore. I was still paranoid about SIDS and for a while I would spend my nights reaching down and rolling her back over. But I gave up after the health nurse said that if she was strong enough to roll from front to back and vise versa she was strong enough to sleep on her tummy without suffocating. And it did make a difference. Babe started sleeping for longer periods - not much longer - but any little bit was a blessing. And the more sleep she got the happier she was during the day.
Babe still sleeps mostly on her tummy.
Also around the same time Babe started solids. Always a big milestone for babies it definitely calmed Babe a bit. For the first while eating carries provides a lot of entertainment value for babies. Everything is new and exciting and meal times help break up the day into manageable chunks. I don't know if Babe was just really hungry when only supplied with breast milk or if the solids helped settle her tummy a bit but whatever the reason, when she started eating she did become a little less fussy.
The next ray of light shone when Babe became mobile. When she could crawl around and explore and wasn't just stranded on a mat on the floor every time I left the room she became much happier. Again everything was exciting, she had more independence and it seemed to calm her.
Then when she started walking she took off and left her bad attitude in the dust. Of course, she went back and found it later. But walking has made a huge difference in her general disposition. She's free, she's fast, she's a big girl and it makes her really happy. Plus she uses a lot more energy during the day which translates to better sleeps at night which translates to a happier baby during the day. If you have a baby that seems bummed out maybe he just hates sitting still. Look forward to crawling and walking, it might bring out the best in your little one.
As far as the car goes Babe still hates it. But being able to use a forward-facing car seat did help a bit. Babe can see out now and I can see her and interact with her more while we are driving. She can see me in the mirror, we can point things out to each other and I can pass her snacks or toys if needed. Babe is probably never going to be pro-road trip but at least she's not as anti-car as she was before. Of course now the recommendations for car seats have changed in Canada and they say a baby should stay rear-facing until they are two. But trying to drive while Babe shrieks in the back isn't safe either so I'm gonna stick with our forward-facing seat. Whether you choose to put your little one in a forward-facing seat after age one or not until they are two just know that you may get some relief from your cranky passenger once they are looking forward.
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| Sculpture at the Flora and Fauna exhibition at The Bloedel Conservatory. |
I hope that my personal rays of light have given you some hope that things will improve. I know it seems like nothing works with your cranky baby but I bet in a couple years you'll look back and realize that there were some key changes that gradually helped lighten their little spirits.
Good Luck.
