So here's a post for any parents who are thinking about or waiting for their child to get tubes put in their ears - or a myringotomy.
Babe likely had some ear troubles as a baby and I just never figured it out. She was certainly fussy enough for it.
But when we moved up north (before Babe had turned two) and she started daycare she of course was launched into an endless barrage of classroom-caught illnesses. And when that happened the ear infections started.
One after another. After another.
That first fall/winter she had about six ear infections with not much down time in between and the emergency doctors told me at that point I might need to consider getting tubes put in her ears.
Then summer/spring came and the colds went away and so did the ear issues.
But we moved back to Vancouver, fall came around and she started preschool again and of course the ear problems returned. This time however it was clear that not only was she getting frequent painful ear infections, she also wasn't hearing well even when she was healthy.
Babe has always been super verbal but I began to notice that she was often mispronouncing new words. On top of that she just always seemed cranky, fussy...actually, down-right bitchy. I started to notice that if I called to her from another room she usually couldn't find me by following my voice. And I started to notice that she said "What?" A LOT and often only understood me when I spoke very slow and clear or when she was looking right at my mouth.
Between the constant ear infections which kept her out of school, to her constant irritability, to the risk to her development and safety I decided we really couldn't wait any longer to see if she would just outgrow the problem.
Getting the surgery done isn't easy. It usually takes a long time but I was very focussed on speeding up the process as much as possible for both Babe's sanity and mine (I was literally repeating almost everything four or five times).
The first step was getting Babe an appointment to have her hearing checked. Before this point I still thought maybe I was blowing things out of proportion and she was hearing better than I feared. I made an appointment for her at the North Shore Children's Hearing Clinic (you can refer your children yourself - HERE's THE FORM) and I don't remember how long the wait was but I think it was going to be a good couple months - actually, if I remember correctly I think she would still be waiting. But "squeaky wheel get the grease" and I was feeling desperate so I told them to put us on a cancellation list and we'd come in any time. Eventually they called with an appointment and I think in the end we only had to wait a couple weeks.
She went for the tests which were really simple. The staff were great with her and the tests were designed to be fun for kids. For example she had headphones in and every time she heard a beep she would drop a bite of plastic food into an bucket with a lion's mouth on it. She had a blast and nothing was invasive or painful at all.
When we got the results (at the same appointment) it was clear that Babe was in fact having a lot of trouble hearing.
After that I began asking Babe more direct questions about her hearing and she sometimes would say it sounded like fire in her ears or it was noisy in her head. I got my mom to stand a distance away and whisper things to see at what level it would be before Babe could repeat what was being said. She was definitely not hearing well.
So the next step was taking Babe and the hearing test results to a doctor to get a referral for an ENT. But again when when I called (two different ENT's I believe) I was told the wait lists to see them would be looong as well. And that even when we finally got in the door and were referred for surgery that we would likely have to wait six months to a year to get the tubes done. More discouragement. Not sure if it's true but one doctor's assistant told me the wait list for Children's Hospital would be about a year.
So once again I explained that my daughter was little and not only was she in pain quite often but she wasn't hearing any of the time and it was starting to become a safety concern and affecting her speech development.
The staff were great and they did find a way to squeeze her in within I think less than a week.
At the ENT appointment the doctor met with us, checked Babe's ears, listened to her history and symptoms and discussed with us the risks and benefits of the surgery. And that was it. I said I wanted to get it done as soon as possible and they gave us a surgery date for three weeks later at Lions Gate Hospital. We had the option of waiting until fall since kid's ears usually dry up in the warmer weather but I figured why put it off just to have it start to flare up again and then maybe not be able to get into surgery so quickly.
Her surgery was earlier this week. I was of course nervous about Babe being under anaesthetic but I was looking forward to getting Babe to a place where she felt better and could hear properly.
She wasn't allowed to eat or drink after bedtime the night before but her surgery time was very early the next morning so that wasn't much of an issue.
We had to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 am to check in for the 7:45 am surgery. The admitting staff were all amazing. The lady who got us settled and changed for surgery gave Babe a little teddy bear and a warm blanket. The nurse who came to fill out forms dressed her bear for surgery and made the blood pressure and pulse checks into a game.
We then met the ENT (same office, different ENT) and he went over everything that would happen again. And then the anesthesiologist came in to meet with us and reassure us that everything would be fine.
This was the only hard part: I have spoken to so many people who have taken their children to get tubes put in plus the regular doctors and our ENT and every one of them told me that the parent can stay in the operating room with their child and hold their hand until they are asleep. So right up until the anesthesiologist came in I was still under that impression. But I do remember from my own experiences that sometimes the anesthesiologist has a personal preference for putting someone under which may differ from what the doctor had said would happen. And for some reason I just had a hunch that I wouldn't be able to stay with Babe until she was asleep. Sure enough, the anesthesiologist said he preferred not to have the parent in the room when putting the child under. Because we were having the discussion in front of Babe I didn't want to make her nervous so I calmly agreed with him when really I wanted to argue and demand to be allowed to stay with my baby.
It worked out fine because I had been pumping Babe up for surgery for weeks. Telling her how lucky she was to live in a country where she can be able to have it done and how good she would feel afterwards. In the days before surgery I went over and over with her step by step what would happen and had explained it all right up to the mask going onto her face and her starting to feel sleepy.
When I found out I couldn't go in with her I was especially thankful that I had explained it all to her and made it sound like no big deal because otherwise I think my three-year-old would have been quite shocked to be taken away from me by strangers to a scary operating room.
But I have to say all the surgery staff were great too. In fact, despite not letting me in the room the anesthesiologist was really good with Babe and continued on making the experience fun for her. He even piggy-backed her into surgery!
Then it was just waiting until she was awake. Which was nerve-wracking. But the time apart was only about an hour and most of that was just Babe sleeping it off. I believe the actual surgery was only twenty minutes.
Afterwards the ENT said her ears were so filled with a thick gluey substance that it kept clogging his sucker-thingy (he actually used a medical term for that equipment).
The rest of my notes come from Babe herself, so...you know:
Babe says when she got in the room she watched cartoons and then they put the mask on.
She says the gas smelled like doggy breath (pretty sure that was a description she heard from one of the doctors because we don't have a dog).
She says they put stickers on her arm (she did have stickers on her when I saw her next).
Babe also says the piggy back was fun and she doesn't remember feeling sleepy.
Pretty stoned after just waking up.
The nurse gave her a popsicle but at this point she's still too
high to remember what she is supposed to do with a popsicle.
When she woke up she was groggy and stoned but still seemed to be enjoying all the pampering from the hospital staff (might be a Munchausen Syndrome candidate later on if hospital trips continue to be this much fun).
The only time she cried at all was when the nurse removed the little IV tube in her hand - which they were kind enough to put in after she was asleep.
Take this popsicle and shove it!
Not liking the nurse after she took out the IV.
Has certainly perfected her Victim face.
There has been no dramatic "I can hear!" moment but I think that is because her ears were already starting to clear a little due to the weather. There have been a few times where she has commented that a sound was too loud where she never would have said that before. But she definitely isn't saying "What?" anymore.
She has antibiotic ear drops for the next few days but has felt no pain. In fact she was back to her old self a few hours later and back at preschool the next day.
As a thank-you we made a donation for new equipment to Lions Gate Hospital. And I think we'll take a card over for all the staff and her ENT. If you want to donate to Lions Gate Hospital, CLICK HERE.
Anyway, I hope our story helps if you are waiting to take your child in for a myringotomy or if it is something you are considering.
I'm going to open with a review of the new documentary Bought so that anyone who doesn't care about my personal feelings on vaccines and anti-vaxxers can simply move on afterwards.
"Medications, including vaccines are not all bad. But they're not all good. We need to bring up questions. We need to have science and data be the focus and get the money people out of the conversation." - quote from Bought. Bought attempts to explore the link between increased illness rates and the toxins we are ingesting - mainly vaccines and GMO's in our food.
When I started writing my post below this review I was unaware of Bought and I only just watched it. While I love watching documentaries I take them all with a grain of salt because they often paint a one-sided picture of an important issue.
But I have to admit this one seems more balanced than some of the anti-vax stuff I've seen (if you can get past the opening discussion about the kid who was severely effected by a vaccine). Of course it is obviously intended to raise concerns about vaccines which will no doubt lead to accusations of it adding to the mass hysteria. Which it probably will.
At any rate knowledge is power and I think parents should watch it anyway. I think it's important to hear the other side of the story even if you don't agree. Read the credits on who was involved in the making of it. Write down the names of the doctors and experts who are testifying in it. Check the sources and start your own research on the information in this documentary there. I'm going to.
I think it was a poor choice to open with the family whose son suffered devastating effects from a vaccine. We all know the horror stories of the one in a million chance that something immediately goes wrong and I think using that slim-chance shot as an opener will turn off all but the people who need to see this film the least - the already anti-vaxxers. I almost stopped watching after the first few minutes because I was thinking what I think most people would, "Ya, that's really sad but we all know it can happen and it's a one in a million chance. Vaccination is still worth the risk." But once I got past that part, the rest raises some interesting questions about what we are putting in our bodies - vaccines and food - and doesn't blame the doctors which I found refreshing. If you live in B.C., think right now about all the calls for cumulative studies on the impacts of the various LNG and Pipeline projects proposed. It makes sense. A study on one proposal will show very different results then if you add up the environmental effects of a bunch of them being built and operating at the same time. That's sort of the logic they are using in this film. The risks of one set of vaccines may be different then if you consider all of them and toss in the other toxins in our environments.
But if you're sick of the whole vaccine debate you can just fast forward to the halfway mark where they turn to looking at GMO's and how they could be impacting our health. I found it a slightly more credible "alternative view" film because it's not just about how horrible vaccines might be but also explores another potential contributing factor - all the crap we eat.
Here's the link to Bought. It's not free after March 6th so watch it now, prepare to pay or hope they make it more accessible. ** I'm adding this in a later date because I found no good reviews of Bought when I originally posted this. Anyway, HERE is a review "debunking" a lot of the information and claims in the film. decide for yourself. And if you're totally put off by anything related to the Anti-Vaccine movement here's a funny clip for you: There's also some clips about the tweets he received after this aired which you can find online as well. But really, it's not funny how vicious people are getting with each other over this when really the issue is just about access to accurate information regardless of who the information validates. Just trying to keep the discussion light!
Anyway...now my feelings on the current Vaccine Battle:
It's actually not making me physically sick, I just thought that was a catchy title. Sometimes I get annoyed with people who refuse to vaccinate too. But then I remind myself that we are all trying to make the best choices for our children.
So...
There's no way to post about this without pissing people off, especially since I'm not a doctor, scientist or researcher and therefore what I say counts for very little and is simply my opinion.
For the record, Babe is vaccinated.
I shouldn't feel the need to state that right up front but I'm afraid of the backlash I'll receive if people presume from my sympathies for the other side that we are, God forbid, anti-vaxxers. That's my point in a nutshell. I feel the need to stand up and say we are vaccinated...(read: the good guys) - and I shouldn't have to.
As far as I know she's up to date on all of her shots (I'll get to the "as far as I know" part in a second). However I have chosen for us to opt out of all vaccines of the flu shot variety.
Vaccinating Babe was a choice that I did not make easily. I previously blogged about it HERE. I don't consider myself particularly conservative or hippy-dippy. Rather my beliefs and reasoning for decisions seems to change with the information I have to go on at the time. The reason my choice to vaccinate was so difficult for me had nothing to do with not wanting to see my baby momentarily hurt by the needles. It wasn't because as a new mother my mama-bear hormones were in overdrive. And it wasn't because I was leaning strongly in one direction or another.
The reason taking her in was so traumatic for me was because I felt I couldn't win either way.
Like most parents, I wanted Babe to be as protected as she could be from serious harm (read disease) and I knew I'd never forgive myself if she was injured or killed by something I could have made the choice to prevent. But that rationale wasn't enough to ease my fears about the amount and accuracy of reliable information about current vaccines. I really did feel that I was making a choice that could harm her either way. And as I watched her get her first shots I had a horrible, sinking feeling that I could be making a huge mistake. I knew no matter how much research I did on my own, it would never be enough and I would never know the whole truth.
While I believe in vaccination as a concept and its positive contributions to healthy societies I can also see that we have significantly amped up the amounts we are taking. I am not satisfied that from a pure, uninfluenced scientific standpoint we have ruled there is no serious cumulative impact from our heavy vaccine load and especially when combined with other toxins in our modern environment.
Which brings me to:
At this point I have no idea what I have been vaccinated for over the years. There's no database that I can access that will show everything I have received. I have absolutely no medical knowledge on what was in what I got, how it might react with something else I received or will receive in the future and how those vaccines may have disrupted my body's natural processes.
I know I was vaccinated as a baby/toddler for whatever was standard at the time. As I got older I became terrified of needles and my parents let me opt out of in-school vaccination programs with the intention of doing it later at the doctor's office. Sometimes I went, sometimes it got forgotten about. As a young adult I got boosters when it was recommended that I do so but I don't remember for what or by whom. I travelled and therefore received travel vaccines from various clinics and was responsible for the paperwork which is now long lost. I've lived in numerous cities and I have been through three family doctors and a ton of clinic visits. I've definitely had too many Tetanus shots because I can never remember when I had the last one.
And Babe's records aren't perfect either. We moved. She was vaccinated at a couple different places. I know I forgot her vaccination book at least once but don't know if it was filled in later or if the records were always sent to our family doctor. I know I spontaneously got her vaccinated for chicken pox after an outbreak at her first daycare but it's not written down in her vaccine booklet. We moved and I can't remember now if she ever did get her 18 month shots, so now I have to figure that out which is harder to do than you would think if your family hasn't always gone to the same source for your vaccinations.
Record keeping on Canadian vaccination is apparently pretty dim. According to media reports there's no central database and therefore no reliable numbers on how close we are to the herd immunity rate or which parts of the country are experiencing lower rates.
If we aren't accurately keeping track of who got how much or what and when, then how are we supposed to have reliable data on what the cumulative impacts might be? And if vaccination is as important as most of us believe then shouldn't our governments and physicians be making a much bigger push for it - to stop the hysteria? They should be toting out all the research they can and showing us how Big Pharma isn't skewing the results. If they could make a more trustworthy push for it they could better limit the damage being done by the anti-vax movement. "Misinformation regarding vaccines must be addressed promptly and aggressively. False or misleading information about vaccination is widely dispersed by a few influential individuals, self-described vaccine-safety advocates, and some clinicians. Public health officials and professional organizations should respond swiftly to dishonest or unbalanced portrayals of vaccination." - Douglas Diekema, New England Journal of Medicine
But part of what is getting me annoyed with us pro-vaccinators bullying the anti-vaxxers comes down to one word: Autism.
As a parent, that you could argue has the potential to become an anti-vaxxer, I get that Dr. Andrew Wakefield's research on the link between the MMR vaccine and autism was debunked. I think a lot of parents understand that by now. But of the anti-vaxxers I know, none of them made their decision not to vaccinate based on that one study or on concerns of autism alone. So I'm sick of hearing all us vaccinators push this false study in their face as the reason why anti-vaxxers are morons that refuse to accept the safety of vaccines.
While the study likely sparked the current swell of fear over vaccination it is not what I believe most parents are now basing their decision to not vaccinate on.
It's more than a fear of Autism:
For me, and I'm guessing many other parents who want real information, the choice of whether or not to vaccinate has simply become overwhelming. For the most part I trust scientists and doctors. I believe in our family doctor and I trust her opinion. I love our doctor. I know she cares about us and I know she wants to keep us healthy. But...
I also believe it's possible that she hasn't been completely informed on all of the risks associated with vaccines. I don't trust Big Pharma (I am embarrassed to be using the term because it immediately conjures up an image of overly-paranoid conspiracy theorists). But NO, I don't believe that companies that stand to gain enormous sums of money from a product should be trusted with relaying completely accurate, unbiased information about their product. If you look at our governments, the manufactures etc. when have they ever been completely honest about what could or is going wrong?
The majority of us are not educated enough in the matter to ever fully determine the potential links between the pharmaceutical companies (who stand to gain profit) and the scientists, doctors and researchers who are recommending our current vaccine load. And most of the people who say the links are there and that they are producing scary results are the wackjobs that no one takes seriously.
When I was on the fence about vaccines I couldn't find anything that fully convinced me either way. I understand the serious damage these now-preventable illnesses can do. I understand how many of us need to oblige in order to obtain herd immunity. I get that the current available data says the safest choice statistically is to vaccinate.
However, I also see great benefit in our body's natural defence mechanisms and the dangers of suppressing them, especially at a young age when everything is developing. I've also seen how recommendations by doctors have changed over time as we have gained more information. What may have been prescribed thirty years ago wouldn't be now because serious risks and complications were discovered. Anyone remember Thalidomide? I do have doubts that the information we are being provided on vaccines is entirely accurate but I can't attribute that to either a conspiracy to hide the evidence or simply that our best minds just don't know for sure yet.
But what I do know is not all anti-vaxxers are way out in left field and the pressure that the rest of us are putting on them to do the right thing is freaking me out.
We are now talking about mandatory vaccination, banning unvaccinated children from schools and parks, fines and jail time for non-complying parents and potential removal of children from their families. For what? For questioning big corporations and our governments? For desiring more information before injecting their babies with something? For standing up and saying they don't feel comfortable with being pressured to make a decision they don't have the whole story on yet?
I want vaccination for our children. I want it to work. I want everyone to have it. I want us to do what we should to protect those who can't. But I also want the ability to choose when and how to use it based on reliable data that hasn't been tampered with by companies that stand to gain financially. I get that for vaccination to work we essentially have to all be on the same page. But I don't think we should be throwing our rights and freedoms away and condemning people who are trying to protect their children as horrible parents who are putting everyone else at risk...although that last part may be somewhat true.
I made the choice to vaccinate Babe. I still believe it was the right choice. But I did choose to delay her vaccine schedule by a few months and space them out and I believe I did the right thing. Would I have felt terrible if she had gotten seriously sick in that time. Of course I would have. I also would have felt terrible if she had passed a horrible illness onto another child. But at the time I knew the risks of her contracting something when she was mostly at home and exclusively breastfed were slim and I felt the risks of injecting her with multiple shots when she was still so tiny and racked with early digestive problems were worse.
And we still don't receive flu vaccines because I don't feel they are necessary. I do believe the individual shots might be innocuous but I think she's getting too many vaccines already to start getting annual vaccines for essentially mild illnesses.
Some parents will say that I was irresponsible for spacing out her shots and some will say I remain irresponsible for not getting her vaccinated against the flu. Or maybe they will say I am naive. That all the evidence shows she was safe to get her first round of shots shortly after birth. That I risked the lives of other kids by delaying her shots or by not getting her vaccinated for the flu. But my intuition told me she couldn't handle it all.
If you're not vaccinating right now the pressure is really on.
I'm thankful I'm not in your shoes. Look at the comments section of any vaccine-related news story and you can see how inflamed the debate has gotten and how much hatred there is towards parents who are opting out. They're being accused of risking the lives of compromised children that can't have the vaccines. Of endangering the masses. Of being idiots, hippies or conspiracy nut jobs. That may well be and it's scary.
But the alternative to not letting people decide or shutting them down when they call for more information is a loss of our rights as a society and less accountability from above.
For me, the data on the pro side seems pretty solid. Anyone would agree that your family doctor or the CDC website are your safest bet for up to date information. But I am also willing to concede that facts and figures could have been hidden from the general public, including doctors.
I also believe that as research advances and we learn new information, how we prevent illnesses will change - it always has in the past. and if that's true there will turn out to be regrets. Links will be found between causes and illnesses that at present we aren't aware of.
On the anti-vax side it is much harder to find credible information. So much of what is out there on why not to vaccinate comes from sources that I am trained to see as unreliable. Doctors and advocates with questionable reputations, websites and media whose motivations are hidden or aren't using credible, unbiased sources. But it paints a picture that all the reasons not to vaccinate are wrong and they aren't. Some have merit and should be investigated further.
There is no denying that for all our modern medicine we have higher rates of diabetes, obesity, autism, allergies and immune disorders. Some or most of that may be attributed to current lifestyle choices for example, obesity and diabetes. Other increased rates might be attributed to toxins introduced through pollution, GMO's or cheap plastic stuff. Increased autism rates are very likely due (at least partially) to a better understanding of the disorder, an increase in the spectrum of sufferers and improved screening measures.
But could we please not rule out that increasing the amount of vaccinations we are giving our kids could also be playing a role and we just don't know it yet?
I don't believe that the parents who are opting out are frivolously subjecting the rest of us to potentially lethal diseases just because they are flakes. I prefer to believe most of them are like me. Intelligent and well-meaning but skeptical and afraid of making the wrong choice. Attempting to be well-informed but not satisfied with the information available. And sick to death of being lied to by our government.
While I want to see vaccination working for us I see the vilification of anti-vaxxers taking us down a road that I don't want to go. I don't want to see parents making permanent choices for their children based on a fear of punishment. I don't want to see more polarization between the two sides. I don't want to see animosity grow between us on this subject to the point where people are being threatened or hurt. I don't want to see research into alternative medicine, historic practices and more holistic approaches decrease at a time when we should be investing in it further. I don't want to see reputable doctors and scientists not want to go on record or voice concerns about a vaccine or its ingredients for fear of being labeled a wing-nut or losing their careers. I don't want to see medicines pushed on us or our constitutional rights taken away. And I don't want to see less accountability for pharmaceutical companies and our governments.
When you write off all anti-vaxxers as ill-informed idiots you are shutting down the discussion on a very important practice in our society. If we could begin to accept that people who aren't currently vaccinating may have some points that are worth exploring and some questions that deserve better answers we may actually get a lot closer to higher vaccination rates as people begin to trust again.
Treating them like they already have the plague isn't going to get them on board with vaccination. Hearing their concerns and demanding real answers for everyone just might.
In August of 2000 while spending the summer working on Hornby Island I adopted the cutest little orange tabby that you ever saw. She was so tiny and so lovable that I carried her around in my little handbag while I worked cleaning campsites. She was the hippie version of the chihuahua in a purse. I named her Sprout. During the day she stayed with me, working and driving around in my car. And at night she cuddled with me in my damp, dark cabin.
She came with a lung infection that gave her a rattling cough. The infection eventually killed all the other kittens from her litter. But Sprout (being the only one who was adopted) got expensive vet care, paid for through the savings of my cleaning job, and she recovered nicely.
I wish I could show you photographs of how cute she was back then but that was during the age of film so I have none on this computer.
Sprout has been a loyal companion for over twelve years now. She was with me through the trials and tribulations of my twenties - probably the most significant period of personal growth I will ever have. Through break-ups and make-ups, depression and elation she was there. She was there when I came home from dates, from work, from long days at the beach. She was there when I didn't come home at all.
She snuggled with me under the blankets during lonely winter storms and she splayed out on top of the sheets when the summer nights were too hot to cuddle. She spent nights alone on top of the blankets when I stayed out all night and she begrudgingly slept on the couch when insensitive new boyfriends kicked her off the bed in the night.
Sprout was my baby for a long time. And I loved her as much as anyone loves their pet.
But the night I went into labour the cats (I have another named Bina, adopted specifically to keep Sprout company while I was at work) were whisked out of the house by my mom. The plan was for them to stay with my parents just until I got back on my feet. But things were so rough with Babe's colic that the cats stayed away longer than I had planned. Weeks turned into months and I was too tired to feel much guilt about not bringing them home. I wrote about leaving the cats here before.
Finally I did fetch them. But Babe still wasn't sleeping well and Sprout, now old and finicky, paced the house meowing at all hours. I couldn't handle less sleep and J's grumblings about the noise so off she went, back to stay with my parents.
There was a new baby in the house. And Sprout's needs had all but dropped off my radar.
I felt really bad. I remembered that scene in The Lady and the Tramp when the other dogs warn Lady that her family won't love her as much when the human baby arrives. And sure enough, once the baby is there the previously pampered family dog is tripped over and scolded and left out in the cold. I knew I was betraying Sprout, but I was just so tired and so consumed with Babe. And honestly, the love I had for my cats now paled in comparison to the love I had for Babe.
This last year Sprout has aged a lot. She finally came home again but the meowing and the pacing got worse. I took her to the vet with a Googled diagnosis of hyperthyroidism and the tests confirmed it. They put her on medication and the manic behaviour subsided.
But clearly there is something else wrong with my little kitty. She's rapidly losing weight (a pound in the last month alone). And in the last couple weeks she has all but ceased eating and drinking. The food sits in the bowl all day, growing stale until I replace it with fresh stuff in the hopes that maybe she feels better today. She must be drinking a little but I've seen no sign of it. At night I sometimes hear her struggling to chew a couple dry kibbles, but she won't touch the canned food, chicken, tuna or kitten milk that I've got here for her.
I took her back to the vet the other day and explained my problem. I'm a single mom on employment insurance, with no job to go back to when the support runs out at the end of the month. The cat is already elderly and frail from an injury that almost cost her her life a few years back. As much as I love her I simply can't justify spending hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars on diagnostic tests that will surely reveal a problem too expensive for me to fix.
Logically it makes sense. I have to think of the baby and myself right now. I've been looking for work for over a month already. What if I drop a ton of money on vet bills and then I can't pay the rent?
But I feel like a terrible person. This creature that has obsessively loved me every day, who has been my loyal companion and has literally licked the tears off my cheeks is dying and I won't help her. Through all the friends and lovers who have come and gone she was always there. She never left me. And now in her darkest hour I feel like I'm failing her.
I am trying. I bought her some medication to ease her nausea and stimulate her appetite. I'm eye-dropping water into her mouth and trying to keep the baby from terrorizing her while she is so fragile. But I'm only treating the symptoms, she probably has a tumor or a serious illness. If I had the money maybe she could be fixed. Maybe she could have another few years of good health. But instead I've had to decide she either gets better on her own or she doesn't.
And maybe I'm anthropomorphizing but I feel like she understands the situation. She used to be terrified of the babies I brought home. But she loves Babe and even as sick as she is wants nothing more than to cuddle with us while I'm nursing. She follows me around but stays out of the way. And aside from the pill I have to jam down her throat every night she seems resigned to her daily regimen of medicines.
I'm still hoping she will get better and be our kitty for a few more years. But if she doesn't improve I hope she forgives me for turning so much of my attention away.
So I've been really busy this past month but unfortunately most of it wasn't fun. First I had a breast infection caused by the antibiotics for my bout with mastitis. Then I had horrible food poisoning followed immediately with an excruciating tooth infection. And then this whole week has been wasted with a summer cold. Although you can't really call it a "summer cold" since Vancouver's summer hasn't even started yet - it's still mostly rain.
For the most part I have fallen into the rhythm of mommyhood...but that's when I'm healthy.
I've had plenty of practice being under the weather and saddled with kids. When I was a nanny I rarely phoned in sick. I felt bad doing it because it meant screwing up the parent's day and potentially causing them problems with their boss. So I usually just sucked it up, went in to work and had a TV day with my charges. But it always sucked having to cater to needy little monsters when I was feeling like death. As much as anyone loves babies and kids you're a liar if you don't admit that you just want them to bugger off and fend for themselves when you have the flu. But of course, as a nanny I still got to sleep through the nights undisturbed so it wasn't as bad as being a sick mommy.
Even though I know the drill being a sick mommy still sucks. Thank God I have a few tricks from my past. I pity all the poor first time mommies with no childcare experience that have to make it through their first illness with baby in tow. However my expertise still didn't stop me from running to my mommy when I fell ill.
I've always needed a lot of sleep and like most people, when I'm sick I need a lot more sleep. But getting sleep with a baby in the house is never easy. I was very lucky that my parents live close by and I was able to take Babe over to their house so they could watch her and I could focus on getting better.
The weekend that I had food poisoning and thought I was dying I spent almost the whole time under the covers and my mom would bring Babe to me when she needed cuddles or nursing. I don't know what I would've done without her.
Then the tooth infection kept me from getting sleep two nights in a row so when I finally was able to get an emergency root canal and was feeling better my mom again watched Babe so I could rest up.
After that we had a great trip to Washington D.C. and then right after I got home Babe and I caught a cold. This time my dad stepped up for me. Babe spent a few hours each day this week hanging with him in his office while I napped at my parent's house.
Here are the few tips I have for trying to survive motherhood while sick. Obviously if you can send the kids to daycare or hire a babysitter just do that.
Sick days are sleep days. Do not try to cook or clean anything. When your child naps, just nap. Right away, stop what you're doing and lay the f**k down.
Children need healthy food, but not on a sick day. Just feed them whatever will keep them alive until you're feeling better. Not candy, but anything remotely healthy that you don't have to fight with them to get down.
Screw your no TV rule. As a nanny my kids rarely watched TV. But my deal for coming into work sick was that the kids would be watching the boob tube that day and if the parents didn't like it then I could just stay home. It's amazing what parents will allow a sitter to do when they have a business meeting in half an hour. If your kid is happy doing crafts or playing a board game independently than that's great but if they won't play without you then just put on a movie they love and doze beside them on the couch for two hours. If your child is too young to sit through a movie then stockpile toys beside you on the floor, stretch out, put your head on a pillow and rest while you pass one at a time to baby. (This will probably only buy you half an hour.)
If your kids are old enough and still healthy themselves try to arrange a play date at a friend's house and then sleep while they are gone.
Pile toys on the floor in the bathroom and play with them - from the tub. (Don't do this if you are a nanny, it's not appropriate).
If you have the energy to leave the house go to the toy store and pick out something new that will entertain them while you lounge on the sofa with a facecloth on your forehead. Alternatively - download a new iPad/iPhone app for them.
Encourage older children (2.5+) to help their sick "patient". Let them fetch you water (clean up the spills tomorrow), put the thermometer under your tongue, and give you pretend medicine. If they have a toy doctor kit or just some kitchen utensils now is a good time to play hospital. You can just lay on the floor while they cover you with Band-Aids and look in your ears with the turkey baster.
Just about anything that is a novelty for them will hold their attention longer while you try to make the pounding in your head stop. Let them blow bubbles in the house. Mix up some water and cornstarch goop. Paint a picture for Daddy. Let them nap in a tent in the living room if it shuts them up for an hour. Nap with them in the tent if it shuts them up for an hour and a half.
Of course most of these tips only work with toddlers and children, not babies. All you can really do with a baby is lay on the floor and try to relax while they play with blocks or crawl all over you...or pass the baby off onto someone else.
Babe and I are all better now and I'm hoping the Vancouver weather gets better too so that we can finally relax and enjoy the summer.
OK. So I'm going to skip the post about our trip to La Conner and instead write about my recent trip to the ER. I'll post about the other trip next time.
So I've been struggling to get Babe into some sort of regular sleeping pattern. Currently she needs to nurse to fall asleep and then again (just for a minute) every time she wakes - which is about every half an hour throughout the night! And naps seem to be completely unpredictable. In an attempt to wean her from using the booby as a comfort tool I started nursing her before bed and then just trying to cuddle her to sleep. Then I rub her tummy when she would wake and only feed her twice. It was working until we went away on our trip. We were in a different room, a different bed and we were with the grandparents so the bedtime routine and the non-nursing plan went out the window.
I started again when we got home and she was just learning to fall asleep on her own when...my booby broke. The good one (I've since given up on the runt as it is slowly dying no matter what I do). Ever since the runt died I've been worried that something might happen to the good boob.
On the day it happened I was unsuccessfully trying to get Babe down for a nap at her new scheduled time, without the boob. It wasn't working and this time, because I was so tired myself, I did something I know from my experience as a nanny you should NEVER do in any discipline scenario - I gave in. I caved and said "F**k it," and I let her skip her nap. I gave her to J, which is a new treat now that he is done school and not yet working, and I went down for a nap myself.
When I awoke an hour later something was wrong. My breast felt really, really full and a little sore. I figured I just needed to nurse Babe and went to it. But Babe got frustrated quickly and I realized that no milk was coming out. After repeated attempts to nurse failed I tried pumping. Also a no go.
Now I was starting to panic because Babe won't drink from a bottle and of course it's not like I could just give her the other breast - damn you runt boob!
So I jumped in the shower and massaged the breast in the hot water, then tried again to pump and nurse. Nothing.
Envisioning the horrific freak-out Babe was sure to have when she realized that her precious booby was dead I raced off to the ER in desperation.
Like usual the ER was a zoo but I did get seen quite quickly, probably because the very lop-sidedness of my chest combined with the look of pain and irritation on my face was making everyone else in the waiting room uncomfortable. I guess there is something about a woman with one boob the size of a volleyball and one the size of a pancake that is more terrifying than a severed digit.
I think that doctors presume that a woman who has recently given birth has absolutely no shame or dignity left and are therefore perfect learning tools for medical students. I was seen by a couple of them before the "real doctor" finally came in. My personal favorite was the kid who took my medical history and asked me if the cesarean I had "was for the baby"?
This kid doesn't know a cesarean from an appendectomy and I'm supposed to entrust him with the great responsibility of ensuring my tit doesn't explode?! I think he could tell by the look on my face that it was time to get his supervisor.
I waited for another hour before a nurse found me in my room and realized that I had not been discharged as was written on my chart or whatever. No wonder no one was coming. And after a lot of confusion on the part of the male doctors (who by the way were all young and not at all skilled at hiding their disgust at the sight of my deformed breast) it was finally decided that a female OB should come to see me. So they called her and then promptly forgot about me again. I waited a couple more hours before the OB was able to sneak away from delivering babies and come help me out.
By this point my breast was very big, very sore and very lumpy. I could hardly move my arm because of the pain and I was feeling quite sorry for myself. I was also feeling lonely because of course J was at home with Babe and I was worried about her too. (She ended up drinking frozen breastmilk from a cup that night.)
When the doctor arrived (with another med student in tow) she said something that chilled me to my very core. She determined that she needed to get a breast pump and on her way out of the room she paused at the curtain and said, "I warn you, there is no pleasant way to fix this". Awesome.
Bless her soul she spent an hour rotating warm compresses, painful massage and pumping. I was offered morphine but when I heard that it would be administered through an IV that was the end of the pain management discussion. So I just closed my eyes and tried not to envision a giant zit popping, which I was assured would not be the case.
Only a little milk came out and after an hour the doctor had to go back to the maternity ward. So I was sent home with antibiotics and instructions to pump every hour or so.
After a lot of painful massage, pumping and compresses with a heating pad Babe actually broke the seal at her four am feed. She wasn't getting anything and then all of a sudden...she was choking on the milk it was coming out so fast! What a relief.
Now it's been a few days and I'm still pretty sore but at least the milk is flowing again and my right breast has reclaimed its title as "the good boob".
Thanks to my medical-field-friends S and L who gave me lots of advice and support. In fact L sent me some very helpful links on Mastitis and blocked ducts which I'll pass on below:
And just a note for any moms who might have the misfortune of getting blocked ducts or mastitis in the future:
A lot of people have told me about using cold cabbage leaves to relieve the pain. You place the big leaves over your breast like a bra. I've heard it works well, but the OB at the hospital told me that cabbage can actually dry up your milk supply and a better solution is to use refrigerated, grated potatoes. They give the same relieving effect but without the risk to the milk.
I'm just sharing a new warning that Health Canada put out recently about Domperidone - a medication that increases lactation.
I'm currently on Domperidone because I'm trying to increase the milk supply in one of my boobies (yup, just the one). But now I'm thinking I'll stop taking the meds. I'm surprised that this information is just out since Domperidone has been used for years.
The warning includes patients taking over 30 mg per day. My perscription is for 60 mg per day and that isn't as much as most nursing moms are told to take!
Babe just had her first vaccinations last week. So what? you ask. Well, she was getting her two month vaccinations at the time she should have been getting her four month vaccinations. Why? Because it took me an extra two months to come to a decision about her shots. Really, I haven’t made up my mind yet but I had to at least decide yes or no on the first round of shots. Now I have another two months to toss and turn over the next round.
It’s a tough decision, one I don’t take lightly and one that wasn’t made easily. I had an entire pregnancy and the first two months of Babe’s life to decide and for me that still wasn’t enough time. I needed two extra months and I still felt rushed. Rushed by what friends were doing with their babies, rushed by what the health nurses were preaching, rushed by my own mother’s warnings and especially rushed by a local outbreak of Pertussis.
In trying to educate myself I sought out many different sources. I read The Vaccine Book: Making The Right Decision For Your Child by Dr. Robert W. Sears and I thought it was surprisingly well-balanced and had a lot of good points. So I was feeling pretty confident in my decision to space out the many vaccines over an extended period of time. That was until the local health nurses told me that Dr. Sears’ research is flawed and that much of what he says in the book is incorrect or misleading. Sure enough, if you search online you can find a lot of sources questioning his book. Of course you can also find a lot of people who are following his vaccination schedule and many of the naysayers are the medical community - which supports vaccination. Here is a link to an article in the Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics which raises concerns about Dr. Bob's book.
When I called in a panic to cancel Babe's original vaccination appointment the nurse, who was polite yet clearly irritated at addressing this issue for the umpteenth time, told me I should instead read Your Child's Best Shot by Dr. Ronald Gold. I grabbed it from the library but I didn't find it very helpful. First of all, it's published by the Canadian Pediatric Society so its going to be biased. Second the book isn't so much about the risks and benefits of vaccines as much as it is just about the different diseases and how the vaccines work. I was more interested in learning about the ingredients and the possible side effects.
But finding what I as a journalist would consider an unbiased, reliable source for the anti-vaccination side of the debate is a tough thing to do. Trying to wade through a pile of information online is never easy and with an issue as contentious as pediatric vaccination it is especially difficult to find reputable sources.
There is a new documentary out called The Greater Good which I desperately want to see but can't seem to get a hold of. It used to be available for free viewing online, but not anymore. It's not on YouTube and we have tried a few times now to download it with no success. As soon as I find out where to get it I'll update this post and if anyone knows where it can be found please post in the comments section. Until then here is the trailer:
Of course I watched this trailer the night before Babe's appointment and immediately broke down in tears and then spent half the night laying beside her in bed picturing morbid images like tiny little baby coffins.
Coming to a decision on the issue, even a temporary and tentative decision comes with very permanent consequences. For better or for worse Babe now has the vaccinations in her little body. While I remain very concerned about the safety of the vaccinations and the sources and legitimacy of the studies that claim they are safe I have to admit that I feel very grateful to live in a country that allows me the choice. Too many millions of people don't vaccinate their children not because they have opted out but because they can't get their hands on the stuff. It was photographs and news stories of people lining up by the hundreds with sick children in their arms desperate to get a shot that helped make my decision. Actually I have seen first hand the damage that can be done by simple diseases that have been left untreated due to poverty.
Because we have basically eliminated many of these previously common illnesses we often see the vaccines as the danger because we no longer see the devastating results of the actual illnesses.
My trust in my doctor also helped me decide to take Babe in for her shots. I put my health and now the health of my baby in my doctor's hands and I believe that she wouldn't knowingly mislead me or keep pertinent information from me. I believe that she felt well-informed when she chose to vaccinate her own precious babies. While I am skeptical about the accuracy of the vaccination information and study results that the doctors are given, at some point I have to trust in someone more knowledgeable than me on the issue. That is what we journalists do - seek out experts to inform us.
It was also a relief of sorts to learn that the link between vaccines and Autism has been proven false. Although as with any medication I'm sure over time many of the current ingredients in the vaccines will prove to be toxic in one form or another.
Here are some interesting articles on vaccination and autism:
About.comspecial children. There is also a link to a couple blogs about autism.
*Note that the message on Thimerosal in these articles is basically 'yes it's safe but we're going to try to remove it anyway.' mm hmm.
I could go on forever but with my own little baby who never wants to sleep, I simply don't have the time for the kind of in-depth research I would like to do on this topic - which is a big part of my concern.
So I asked some of my friends with kids if they vaccinated or not. Here are some of the replies I got:
Yes. Because a ton of idiot parents haven't and now there are measles/rubella breakouts in BC. Anyone who says not to vaccinate your kids is a dipshit in my opinion. You do everything to protect your child why would you ever put them at risk for small pox or polio? Impoverished people around the world would kill for those vaccines.
No. Shitload of research against it. My doctor in Vancouver didn't vaccinate her second child and did 5 years of research. I can send you some of the research if you want. Haven't regretted it yet and my kids get less sick then others.
Yes. We did after consulting with 3 different health pros (from drs to...you name it). Came down to a personal judgement call and we just found more evidence for it then not.
Yes, most of them. My son also gets pneumonia shot every year. He has a heart defect...it is important for him not to get really sick. Immunizations are important to prevent cluster diseases. I did NOT immunize my daughter for HPV in grade 9. That immunization had no double-blind tests before it was released...it was pushed out very quickly. 40 girls in one year in North America died shortly after receiving it.
Yes. And shit, that reminds me I need to take him in for his 18 month shots this week! (thanks!). The reason I did is because I didn't want him to get polio or some other disease that could be prevented. I know there is a lot of controversy out there about whether to vaccinate or not, but I feel it's worth the risk.
No. Agree with the theory but don't like the shelf-life chemicals. Fear of autism. Worst decision ever and even though you have to make it, you're fucked either way.
Yes they got the shots. I don't want them to get Polio or any old school disease that is preventable.
Yes. I did my own research at UBC library. I decided the benefits far out weighed the risks. That said I advocate for high vitamin D to keep my family healthy. Also if I had a daughter I would not vaccinate for HPV.
No, I didn't vaccinate them. Their dad didn't believe in it. I regret it though. My ex thinks that their bodies are strong enough to fight off illness on their own. Disease exists, and so does some of their cures. So, if we have access to things that can help our babies, why not use them?
Yes I did vaccinate them.. 1. Because I was when I was young 2. I believe it helps prevent them from getting illness's. 3. I was just told it was the right thing to do and I have heard of kids who haven't gotten them and have gotten really sick from illness's that the vaccinations help prevent.
So Babe ended up getting her first round of vaccinations. As I said earlier I panicked the night before and I was a nervous wreck all the next day while we waited for the appointment. I peppered the nurse with questions about the vaccine and the possible side effects. I probably came across as suspicious and defensive because she picked up on that right away and for the first little while seemed irritated and defensive herself - as if she felt I was accusing her of personally trying to injure my baby. But as I began to cry she seemed to soften and realize that I was just really scared. I finally signed off on the vaccinations choosing to forgo only one (which I decided was unnecessary).
Babe only cried for a minute and it was over and done. Her little legs - dotted with band aids were dressed again and we walked back home. Babe then napped on my chest, her upset already forgotten. And I cried again. Being a mommy is hard.
Hopefully by the time the next round of shots are due I will have a more clear idea of where I stand on the issue. However draining and upsetting this choice has been I have to reiterate that I am extreamly thankful to have been given the choice. We are so lucky to live in a country where we have access to life-saving treatments, medications and procedures. And even more lucky that we have the ability to publicly voice our opinions about them without fear of persecution.
