I worked as a nanny for many different families in the Lower Mainland over the last 10 to 12 years. For a long time I worked on short-term contracts for families that needed temporary care and because of that I met with many, many different families and was on the employee-side of the interview process many, many times. I also sometimes helped families choose a replacement for myself or gave them nanny or general childcare advice.
Because of my history in childcare and this blog, I've recently had many new mommies seek my advice on hiring their first nanny. They've been curious about what questions to ask, what qualifications to look for and what the nanny-family relationship should look like.
So I'm going to post here the information that I have been giving to new moms regarding hiring their first nanny. Please keep in mind these tips are my opinions, from my experience and what I have found to work best. They are general and should be tailored to meet your family's specific needs. Take what you want and leave the rest. Maybe there's something you wouldn't have thought to ask or maybe my tips will flick a switch and you'll think of something even better.
Good Luck with your search!
Let me start off by saying that a successful nanny-family
relationship is one where both parties feel respected and integral in the
child’s life. It is important to treat the person you choose for a nanny like
family. She is after all basically a hired mother to your children who is
taking on a very important role in your absence. The more your nanny feels that
her efforts are valued and that she is cared about the more likely it is that
she will want to be as diligent and loyal as she can be. And the more likely it
is that she will be more flexible with schedule changes or doing extra duties
etc.
I was lucky to have very, very few bad experiences and I was
usually treated very well. And because my families made me feel like part of
the family I often went above and beyond the call of duty for them by
performing extra duties (such as cleaning, laundry, etc.) or staying late on
short notice – because I wanted to help them out.
That being said it is also important to establish right away
that this is YOUR family, YOUR children and that whatever rules, values,
techniques you have working in your household are to be followed. I have known
parents who have been too casual and friendly in the beginning and it has led
to the nanny seeing the relationship as more of a friendship than an
employer/employee relationship. This has led to bending rules that the parents
have set, forgetting to perform duties that are expected or calling in “sick”
too many times.
It’s a really delicate balance that is hard to explain. I
say establish that what you say goes and that this is a “job” early on. But
then be as kind and generous as you can be because the more wanted the nanny
feels the less likely you are to have problems later. Not the least of which is
being tempted away by a better offer. After all, there is always someone
willing to pay more for childcare and there is a shortage of excellent nannies
in the city so you definitely want your nanny to be loyal to your family and
not leave you hanging by switching families.
Duties: As far as duties go it is VERY important to establish what
you expect right from the start. Some nannies only care for the children and do
not do anything else. Others will care for the kids and do kid-related tidying
and laundry but won’t cook or clean and other nannies do everything. Ask in the interview what they will or won’t do. Tell them exactly what you are looking for so that they don’t feel tricked later when you spring the laundry on them.
Keep in mind that the more cleaning you expect the less time
the nanny is spending with your children. Imagine if you had to vacuum the
house, dust, wash dishes, fold laundry and run errands each day. How much
quality time would you be spending with your kids? No one can be a fun,
energetic nanny that involves the kids in activities and provides stimulating
play AND clean the house and prepare dinner. If you want your nanny to be a
house cleaner than you need to be OK with your kids sitting in front of the TV.
So decide what it is you need done and make sure that in the
interview you make the duties very clear. Then when you pick someone make and
post a list of what you want done. Example:
- Driving child
- Child’s laundry only
- Tidying toys and kitchen
- Walking dog
- Grocery shopping once per week
- One evening per month for date-night
There were times early on in my nanny career where I didn’t
make a list of chores with the family and as the months wore on I was slowly
expected to perform more and more duties for no additional pay. No matter how
friendly everyone is with each other it’s best to just have in writing all the
duties, wages, house rules etc.
Experience: Ask them why they are a nanny? For how long? What
do they like most about the job? What do they find the most
difficult/challenging? Why did they leave their last position? What age ranges
of children have they cared for? Do they have ECE? (Some parents really want a
nanny with ECE and others don’t care. I personally don’t have it but I had a
lot of experience. It’s a personal choice but usually ECE nannies are paid more
and are more likely to be on their way to a position in a school, daycare etc.)
Rules: Explain your house rules and childrearing techniques
and discuss with the potential nanny if she is comfortable with your way of
doing things. This is probably the most important thing to agree on. You
definitely want someone who is on board with your techniques. Some parents
spank and others would never even raise their voice. Consistency is key in establishing
boundaries for your children. If they have a naughty chair when Mommy is home
but the nanny lets them run amok and won’t use the chair then everyone is
wasting their time. Ask them how they disciplined children in the last places
they worked and if they found that method to be effective. Obviously little
babies aren’t disciplined at all. But if your baby is still little it won’t be
long before he/she is a toddler and you should still have an understanding of
how a tantrum will be handled in your absence. You don’t want to fall in love
with your perfect nanny only to discover a year later that they refuse to
discipline your child.
Background: Definitely ask for references!!!!!!! Do not hire
anyone who can’t produce good references. Be concerned about anyone whose
references are really old (ex: where is the references from the last two
years???) Make sure they aren’t just personal references such as family members
or other nanny friends. You can ask for a criminal check. The nanny has to go
to the police station and get it done and I think it’s $40. But (I assume) a
foreign nanny who is here on a visa or something won’t be able to obtain that
since they aren’t a citizen. I have worked independently and for agencies and
have had to obtain many criminal checks over the years. If you aren’t that
concerned about the crim. check than please, please check references thoroughly.
** Note: Sometimes when a nanny leaves a family because of
any number of innocent reasons the family is inconvenienced and upset at the
nanny’s departure. It wouldn’t be entirely uncommon for an employer to give a
bad reference out of spite or anger (after all, this is a very personal
relationship and unlike in other businesses people can feel very hurt by their
nanny or employer). One family had just hired me and I was shocked to hear my
new employer giving a horrible reference on the phone to someone who was
calling about her previous nanny. The nanny had been with them for years and as
far as I knew hadn’t done anything really wrong when they up and fired her for
coming home late with the baby. It’s possible that one bad reference says more
about the employer than your nanny candidate. Just follow your gut.
Skills: FIRST AID!!!!!!! Do not hire anyone who doesn’t have
it. Check that the certification is still valid and if you know about first aid
yourself ask them questions like: What would you do for a burn? How do you
perform CPR on an infant? On a 4-year-old? If you find someone that you love
but they don’t have it than make it a requirement that they get certified
within a certain time-frame. It’s only a one-day class.
Driving: If you want a nanny to drive I would ask them to get a driver’s abstract to show you. It’s been a long time, but I think they have to get it from the driver licence centre. Ask them how long they have been driving, if they have ever been in accidents and how confident they feel in driving the children. Decide if they will be using your car or their own. If it’s their own car then make sure it is a safe vehicle and know that it is common practice to pay an additional car allowance. I think my last employers paid $.25 per km or something. Make sure their insurance is valid and will cover your precious cargo in the event of an accident!!
Questions:
- What do you do in your spare time?
- What makes you a good nanny?
- What activities do you like to do with the kids?Are you comfortable running, jumping, climbing, playing hockey outside etc…
- What are your wage expectations?
- How much vacation time are you expecting? (Keep in mind that if you travel a lot and have a full-time nanny it is expected that you pay the nanny for the time you are away and she is not working. Not many nannies can afford to take four weeks off unpaid just because you can afford it. If you take extra vacations be prepared to pay her salary while you are away. Or else work out an arrangement that suits you both when she is hired.)
- Are you willing to travel?
- Do you have a valid passport? (Some nannies travel with the family instead of staying at home)
- Are you comfortable nannying while the parents are at home?
- Do you smoke, drink or take drugs?
- Are you comfortable around pets?
- Do you socialize during work hours? (ex: meeting friends at the park, bringing a boyfriend over or talking on the phone. Some families are fine with this and others aren’t. Make your wishes clear.)
- What activities do they do with the children?
- What do they see a typical day looking like for your child?
- Do they speak another language?
- How long do you see yourself staying with us?
- Can you commit to a year? Two?
If the nanny is live-in make sure you cover things like:
- How is the room and board worked out?
- What space is available for the nanny?
- What hours will she be working?
- Who can/can’t visit her during her off hours at home?
Make sure to add any questions that are specific to your family. For example:
Have the child(ren) present during the interview, or at least part of it, and observe how the nanny interacts with them. Once you have chosen someone, be at home for the first day or two to ease the transition for baby or child and to observe how things are going. After that, come home early every once in awhile just to see what’s going on. There are of course nanny-cams as well and that is a choice you can make.
- Will the nanny be working odd hours?
- Do you have a special needs child?
- Are you religious or is the nanny? And will that be a conflict at all?
- Will the nanny be bringing her own child to work? If so is that child and yours going to be compatible?
Have the child(ren) present during the interview, or at least part of it, and observe how the nanny interacts with them. Once you have chosen someone, be at home for the first day or two to ease the transition for baby or child and to observe how things are going. After that, come home early every once in awhile just to see what’s going on. There are of course nanny-cams as well and that is a choice you can make.
Agencies: Finding someone that you can trust with your kids is serious business. It's likely not going to be the first person who responds to your ad on Craigslist. If looking for a nanny is too daunting a task there are
agencies that will pre-screen candidates and check their references etc for
you. There are good and bad agencies. And they all cost money but they save you
the time looking yourself and many will replace someone who doesn’t work out
within a certain time frame. Choose an agency carefully. Some say that they
check criminal records and driver’s abstracts etc. but never actually do. However some are definitely worth the money especially if you want to rest assured that your selection is qualified or if you don't have hours and hours to devote to the search.
The Fit: Find someone that you feel really comfortable with. This is
the person you are trusting with the most important person in your life. Make
sure they are happy and respected and that you fully trust them. I recommend
sitting down once every couple months to evaluate how things are going. It
gives the nanny and you a chance to express concerns or bring up new issues and
it keeps everybody on the same page. Also many families like to have a daily
journal where the nanny briefly writes down what they did that day, any minor
injuries, new foods, discipline issues, additional chores done…it’s a good way
to keep the communication going.
And definitely watch your child (or if they are older, ask
them how it is going with their new nanny). There is usually a semi-difficult
transition period right at the beginning but after that it should be clear if
your child isn’t connecting well with the nanny. Start with a probation period
so that if after a couple months your child still hasn’t warmed to his/her
nanny then you can start looking for someone new without too many hard
feelings.
