The First Christmas.

Happy holidays everyone!

We had our first Christmas with Babe yesterday. Because she has been so colicky lately (usually fussing from about seven at night until two in the morning) we chose to skip my big family Christmas morning. I was sad to not take our darling daughter to see everyone on Christmas but with her fussy nights the mornings really need to be a quiet resting time for all three of us. I just couldn't justify dragging her out in the cold, sticking her in the car (which she absolutely hates) and subjecting her to a ton of stimulation. Everyone loves her but at six weeks old it's just too much for her to see everyone at one time.

So we stayed home and napped Christmas morning and then headed to my parents for a quiet Christmas dinner and present opening.

Babe got a Fisher Price aquarium toy for her crib which I was so excited about. She loves lights and I knew the combination of the lights, bubbles, water and moving fish would be a sweet little distraction for her since she is just starting to notice toys. She LOVES it! I set it up this morning and she lay in the crib watching it and cooing at it for half an hour. Then she crapped her pants and started to cry. But it was a big hit.

I haven't been a huge Christmas fan since I was a kid so it was really nice to have the holiday be special to me again. I was more excited to see Babe with her gifts than I was about my own. It was great to have Christmas be about making it good for my own child and enjoying her enjoyment. Even though this year she was too little to know what was going on it was nice to see her enjoying the decorations, the tree and her grandparents. I can't wait for next year when she is toddling around and for the years after that when I can share holiday traditions with her such as buying toys for the toy drive, dropping off pet food to the SPCA, baking cookies and walking around looking at Christmas lights.

Grandpa with the ridiculous stocking they got for her.

I also made her first Christmas egg. I started making the eggs last year after learning the craft from my aunt. So I made Babe her "It's a girl" Christmas egg this year. I also made one for my good friend who's daughter just arrived this month. Inside ours is a sleeping baby, a stack of blocks, a little teddy bear and a clothes line with baby clothes hanging from it. My aunt also made an egg for Babe. I love this family tradition of making and giving the Christmas eggs and I hope our daughter will have a big collection just like I do by the time she is an adult.

To see the eggs I made last year check out my Christmas egg post on my Sockrrz blog. Notice I haven't kept up with that one since I found out I was pregnant. Whoops.

My mom always does a beautiful job of decorating for the holidays. Here's a couple more shots of the decorations Babe was the most fond of.

Failing.

I was a better parent before I had a child.

OK that doesn't make sense but in a way it's true. I nannied for years. At my last count I had had a hand in raising over 30 children.

I was a very good nanny. I could juggle multiple kids, usually babies and toddlers, run the errands and keep the house spotless all the while keeping the children engaged in fun activities.

I had the perfect balance of concern and trust. I could spot potential dangers and pitfalls but I avoided them while not inhibiting my little one's freedoms. I encouraged the kids to try new things and explore the world around them and I schlepped them all over the city like a mother duck with her ducklings in tow.

By the end of every shift my kids were well fed, well dressed, well behaved and had had a fun-filled day with just the right balance of kindness and discipline, structure and freedom. And the house was clean.

Today it's past noon and I haven't showered yet. My baby is probably sleeping in a wet diaper right now. Every day I try again to go out and enjoy the day - visit, shop, walk...it always backfires. I'm still trying but I'm dragging a screaming infant along with me and by the time I get home I'm exhausted and cranky - and I've missed my chance to nap.

In the past I would have the kids fed, dressed, out the door and on time to any number of scheduled activities. Now I'm lucky if Baby and I can make it the two blocks to the coffee shop.

I'm also completely paranoid now.

Where once I could calmly and efficiently help a choking toddler I now flail in panic when my daughter coughs on her spit-up.

Where once I was calm and trusting of others I now worry when someone holds her that they won't support her neck or they'll trip and drop her.

I used to consider bumps and bruises a part of an active child's life, but this month I've sought the advice of FIVE health care professionals and a slew of internet sites on the slightest ailments my baby has suffered.

I trained for years to be a mommy. I succeeded every time I tested myself. I reasoned away anxieties and accomplished a lot in my eight hour shifts. But now that I really am a mother I've only managed one blog post in six weeks.

So why was I a better Mommy to other people's babies?

Is the anxiety hormonal? Are mothers hardwired to worry about their babies? I actually thought that I would worry less as a mother because my baby was my own and my mistakes were mine. And was it easier to keep all the balls in the air when I was only a Mommy for eight hours a day?

The Birth.

So I've been pretty slack about posting this month but I have a good reason. We had our beautiful baby girl on November 3rd. A week and a half late and one day before I was scheduled to be induced. So, if the Babe will sleep long enough for me to type this out I'll tell you the birth story.

Wednesday morning I woke up with cramps at 4 am. I had been desperately waiting for any sign that labour was going to begin so I was aware that cramping might be it. But the pain was mild so I went back to sleep.

I had tests scheduled at the hospital that morning to check on Babe before they started my induction on Friday. By seven that morning I was having pains every twenty minutes or so. I called my mom and asked her to drive me to the hospital for my tests in case I was starting labour (I didn't want to be in labour and stuck in traffic).

They first sent me for an ultrasound. Like always the place was packed so I sat in the waiting room for almost an hour. During the wait it was becoming painfully clear (pun intended) that I was in fact starting labour and probably didn't need the tests. But since I had come all the way downtown I figured I'd do the tests just in case. I finally got in for the ultrasound where the tech informed me that my baby would weigh approximately 9 lbs 14 oz! Just what every expectant mom wants to hear.

I then had a non-stress test booked to check on Baby's heart rate etc. It was during this test when the tech informed me that I was in fact in labour and my contractions were about 10 minutes apart.

After my tests I called my mom to pick me up and headed home to meet J and wait for the contractions to be close enough to go back to the hospital. J and I spent the rest of the day watching TV shows, pausing them every seven minutes to ride out the increasingly painful contractions. Meanwhile my good friend was heading over from Vancouver Island to attend the birth.

As the evening progressed it became clear that I was destined to suffer through back labour. Babe had been turned the wrong way for weeks so it wasn't a surprise when the back labour started. I can't explain the pain. It felt like my lower back was going to explode. By midnight the contractions were still somewhat irregular and more than five minutes apart but I was reaching the end of my rope and wanted to be at the hospital where pain relief was an option. We called the midwife and told her we were heading in. Unfortunately she told us that the hospital we had chosen to deliver at was full. I was very disappointed to be going to another hospital but in the end it actually worked out for the best.

We called a cab. We grabbed the bags. We waited for the cab while I moaned in pain. We waited longer. We called the cab company and found out the driver was at the wrong address.

When the cab finally arrived it was obvious that I was in labour and the driver looked tense. To ease the tension I asked him if he had ever delivered a baby in the taxi? With that the driver flew into Formula 1 mode and raced at twice the legal speed limit the rest of the way to the hospital. The ride was almost as scary as the rest of the delivery. I guess he didn't want to deliver my baby.

We got to the hospital sometime after 1 am on Thursday. The rest of the day is a blur. I didn't want to have an epidural so I tried different positions, the shower and the gas. But finally

I caved in and begged for the epidural. By this point I had been in labour for almost 24 hours.

When I got the epidural we asked if it could be stopped if I didn't want it anymore. I was assured that removing the epidural wasn't an option because the body's natural pain relief (adrenaline etc.) would stop once the epidural was administered. Then if the medication was taken away the contractions would be even worse than before.

Once the epidural was working its magic J, my girlfriend and I all rested for a few hours. Now that I couldn't feel the back labour I was able to doze a little and J took a nap on a foamy on the floor. Hours passed and my progress slowed as a result of the epidural. Babe was still in the wrong position and I was warned a couple times that a cesarean was now a possibility.

Around noon on Thursday I was finally dilated the full 10 centimeters and by some miracle Babe had moved into the right position. It was time to start pushing.

I have no concept of time from this point on. I thought that I was only pushing for half an hour or so but I've been told it was closer to three hours. Unfortunately my efforts were going nowhere. Babe was getting more and more cone-headed as her head tried to move down the birth canal but her body stayed put. And her heart rate was dropping during the contractions which at that point were almost back to back.

Just as I was being told that a cesarean was necessary the unthinkable happened. My epidural crapped out and in a matter of seconds I went from pain-free to pain-full! I'm not sure if it truly was more painful than pre-epidural or if it was the shock of being thrown into full back labour so quickly, but whatever the reason it felt ten times worse than before.

Now I had to listen to disclaimers, sign forms and worst of all: sit perfectly still while contracting as the doctor poked and prodded my spine with needles to prepare me for the surgery.

J was allowed in after everything was set up and they were ready to go. The cesarean took about twenty minutes. I was really nervous and my upper body was convulsing from one of the meds they gave me so to keep calm and focused I mostly stared at the clock and listened to the doctors. I know it's a routine surgery for them but I was still amazed by how nonchalant their conversations were. Two women were talking about a friend's jerk boyfriend and a man behind me was on the phone telling someone how to record with his PVR. I was distracted and calmed by listening to them.

And J was great. He comforted me and assured me that everything would be fine.

At 4:23 pm our perfect little girl was lifted up into the air! I only got to see her for a second before she was whisked across the room to be examined and cleaned up. I lay there listening carefully for her cries. I could hear them suctioning her and then faint little whimpers but she never did wail like you see on television.

The cesarean left me feeling like we missed out on a lot. I'm disappointed that the cord wasn't left intact for a couple minutes after her birth and that J didn't get to cut it. We didn't get to cuddle her skin to skin immediately after - she was wrapped in a towel when I got her back and I couldn't hold her without help because my arms were shaking so badly. We have no pictures of the delivery however J did get some of her being cleaned up and dried off. My girlfriend missed the delivery because only the father is allowed in the room during surgery which was disappointing for her and I.

And of course the cesarean sparked a slew of problems afterwards too. My milk was very slow to come in causing nursing problems, weight loss for Babe and subsequent supplementation with formula which made me feel like a failure. My incision was slow to heal and the combination of my need for pain medication longer than usual, Babe's maximum 10 per cent weight loss and the lack of milk meant a longer stay in the hospital.

But despite all of these little disappointments and stresses we were lucky to be blessed with a healthy baby (9 lbs. 3 oz.) and that's all that really matters. I recovered well (after I got off required bed rest for an irritated incision) and it turns out we were lucky to be diverted to the other hospital because it has the best cesarean team and unlike our chosen hospital, the one we were at allowed me to stay with the baby after the operation instead of recovering for a few hours separately - which would have broken my heart and made me very nervous.

So that's how our daughter arrived. Hopefully things will calm down a bit and we'll get into a routine and I will be able to post more regularly.

The Push Before the Pushing.

Well today is my due date and for the last two weeks I've been trying to gently nudge my body and Baby into action. Like all preggos at the end of the journey I'm exhausted, sore and completely ready to get this show on the road. At 36 weeks I had many pre-labour symptoms and I thought for sure that I would deliver early. But everything stalled and nothing has changed in weeks.

I'm not ready yet to take any drastic measures to jump-start labour but I have been trying a few things this past couple weeks to get my body "ripe" for action.

Walking

The beautiful Minoru Chapel on a fall afternoon

I have been on the big side through this entire pregnancy. I guess because I had a small frame and torso to begin with there was nowhere for Baby to go except straight out in front. So exercise really slowed down for me early on because the extra weight out front put so much pressure on the ligaments in my abdomen and pelvis. Even walking a couple blocks back at 15 weeks was too much some days.

But since my due date has been approaching (and is now here) I have been trying to walk for a little while each day. Some days I feel fine and other days I get a block from home and the pain is so bad I have to sit on the curb until it subsides and I can walk back.

Since we moved we are close to Minoru Park and it's nice to walk over there on the good days.

Pressure Points

J has been pressing some pressure points in my feet and ankles that are supposed to help prepare the cervix for labour, help the baby drop into position and induce labour. If you're interested in trying these techniques get the OK from your doctor. We watched some videos on YouTube to learn where the right spots are. Click here to see one of the videos we watched. However it certainly hasn't induced labour and my lady bits didn't change much from one week to the next so either we haven't actually found the right spots or it doesn't always work.

Lemon Verbena Tea

A couple weeks ago my midwife gave me some verbena oil and a recipe for a cervical-ripening tea in the hopes that it would speed things up a bit. Again I don't really know if it works but I'm still trying (got a cup of the brew beside me right now). The recipe calls for a stick of cinnamon, cloves, ginger root and the verbena oil. You brew the tea and then add a couple drops of the oil afterwards. My midwife said to drink it at most only every other day so make sure you find out how much is too much before you start downing it every night before bed.

Acupuncture

After finding out today that there is still little sign that Baby is on the way my midwife suggested I try some acupuncture. I used to go to a great acupuncturist in West Vancouver because I hate needles and he was/is well-known for getting them in without the patient feeling it. But treatments are really expensive so J and I couldn't afford to splurge on this method of labour-induction.

But my midwife told me about a place in Vancouver called Poke which calls itself community acupuncture. It's a really cool little place at Kingsway and Main St. where you sit in a room filled with comfy recliners and other patients and one acupuncturist treats everyone. The atmosphere is super quite and chill just like a spa and everyone was so relaxed they were sleeping.

The best part is that the price works on a sliding scale so you pay between $20 and $40 per session -- whatever you can afford. Poke makes acupuncture available to people who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford the treatments so it's a great service to the community. But...

I hate needles. I don't find acupuncture relaxing at all. While everyone else lay peacefully in their recliners with eyes closed and blissful smiles on their faces I sat upright, frozen, with eyes as big as saucers scanning the room for a distraction. I had flashbacks to my past acupuncturist in who was so irritated with my inability to relax during his treatments that more than once he threatened to not allow me to return. I remember he used to leave the room and I would spend the half-hour of "relaxation time" laying perfectly still so as not to shake the needles and counting all the right angles in the room. There were a lot because the neon ceiling lights were covered with those grates with all the little squares. Pathetic, I know. But his treatment did work and so I have hope that the lady at Poke made some progress today.

My eyes still feel a little crossed from spending twenty minutes staring at the needle jutting out of my forehead. When she put it in she said that most people get one in that spot because "it feels so good". Uh huh. It freaked me out so much I finally took it out and then at the end of the session I lied and said it fell out. Of course by then I had pricked my fingers several times because I was nervously playing with it while I waited for my 20 minutes to be up.

FYI: If you're one of those freaks that find having needles stuck in your body enjoyable, Poke allows you to stay for as long as you'd like. Apparently many patients doze off for an hour or so. I did not. But I do have another appointment in a couple days.

My Pregnancy Tumor: the pain in my neck.

This post is about the gross side of pregnancy not the beautiful hand-knitted booties side of pregnancy so if you aren't ready for a dose of reality, take a pass on this one:

After all of the wonderful pregnancy symptoms I have suffered through over the last nine months one symptom stands above the rest as being the most horrible.

I'm not talking about morning sickness, bloating or edema (none of which are fun). I'm talking about my pregnancy tumor aka: pyogenic granuloma. Google it, it's fucking gross. I don't have any photos of mine but if I did I wouldn't post it for you because frankly its way too embarrassing. But I did draw you a picture of it on paint and trust me, its a pretty accurate representation.

This is my awesome paint picture. I'm proud of it.

So it started as a tiny little bump on my neck that I thought was a pimple. It just showed up one night. After a couple of days it was bigger and looked like it was full of blood, so then I thought it must be a blood blister. Instead of leaving it alone I pricked it with a pin, thinking I could let out the blood and it would go away. It didn't go away. I thought maybe a drop of blood would come out but instead it bled for twenty minutes and didn't get any smaller.

I went to my family doctor and she told me what it was and that approximately five per cent of pregnant women get them. We decided to freeze it off with liquid nitrogen like you would a wart. Supposedly that works sometimes. It didn't work on my tumor. It just made my tumor angry and it got bigger. I was still optimistic at this point that all it needed was another hit, so I went to the doctor a few days later and we tried to freeze it off again. And again this angered my tumor and it got even bigger.

So for over a week it kept growing and I went through a ton of band aids covering it up every time I left the house. As if walking around with a blood-filled tumor on my neck wasn't bad enough it would also decide to rupture like a volcano at night when I was sleeping and I would wake up covered in blood and looking like an extra from The Walking Dead. Pyogenic granulomas have their own supply of blood vessels and when they bleed they really, really bleed. The last time it burst it took me over an hour and a half to get it to stop and I decided I'd had enough. By the time I went back to the doctor it had grown to the size of a blueberry! The doc sent me to see a plastic surgeon to get it removed.

To remove these things the doctor freezes the area around it and then performs a curettage and cauterisation (they cut it off and burn the wound). I was worried about having a local anesthetic while I was still pregnant, but I was also worried about the damn thing blowing a gasket while I was pushing in labour...as if bleeding from down there isn't bad enough. I was also sick of wasting what little sleep I was getting at night on blood clean-up. Still, I would have waited until after the birth and let the damn thing double in size again if the doctor hadn't assured me that a little freezing at this late stage in pregnancy isn't dangerous for the baby.

The procedure took only a couple minutes and I was sooooooooo relieved to walk out of the surgeon's office without the red blueberry on my neck! Of course I never gave any thought to the after pain and my inability to take pain meds right now. Once the freezing wore off it did start to hurt and two days later it is still very sore. But today was the first time in a month that I didn't have to leave the house with band aids and scarves covering my neck.

Hopefully all you future preggos out there will fall into the 95 per cent of people who don't get a pregnancy tumor. I wasn't that lucky, but hey it could be worse...according to the Internet many pregnant women get them in their mouths or on their lips. THAT would be waaaay worse.

The Nursery.

Well it's only a matter of weeks (or maybe days) until Baby arrives and finally I think the nursery is complete. I originally had a whole different room in mind with a specific theme and specific items that I wanted to purchase. One of which was a full wall mural. However since we may not be living in this apartment for very long I decided to hold off on my grand design until Baby has a room that she will stay in for awhile. I was a little disappointed to not decorate how I had planned but I think the room turned out pretty cute anyway. Here are some pics of the nursery now:

The changing table and bookshelf are from IKEA. Neither are from the kid's section. I knew that there wouldn't be enough room for a dresser and a changing table so I chose to purchase a regular dresser and place a changing pad on top. The shelving therefore needed to be right beside the changing table to hold the diapers, cream etc. because it would be too awkward to reach those items while changing Baby if they were in a drawer below.

Here is the crib which I scored on sale. If you've read my previous post on the hassle I went through when buying it then you understand how happy I am to have it all set up now. The quilt is a beautiful hand-made gift from my recent boss, Stacey Murton. It works perfectly in the room.

I bought the tree wall decal at TJ's Kids in Vancouver. It was simple to put up and peels off without damaging the walls. This was the consolation purchase to not installing the full wall mural that I really wanted for her room. I was a little worried about placing the decal over her crib. I thought that maybe when she can stand up she would peel it off and eat it. But since we might not live here that long, or she might not be that curious I decided to just go for it. Obviously if you are placing peel-off stickers on the wall near the crib you need to make sure no pieces make their way into the crib where they could become a choking hazard.

All of the furniture except for the glider and ottoman are white. I wanted a sleek clean look, but because the glider will likely outlast the baby stuff and may end up in another room later so it seemed more fitting to go with a more adult espresso.

I think the lampshade is too much and should be exchanged for one in a solid colour.

STORAGE:

I actually thought that we would be able to use her closet for our things. After all, how much room can teeny tiny clothes take up? HAHAHAHA. Her closet is filled! In order to store all the clothes that she will grow into over the next year I stole two old narrow dressers from my parent's storage unit. It doesn't matter that they aren't pretty since I put them inside the closet.

I then bought some number stickers and labelled the drawers according to what size clothes are inside. Three to six months, seven to nine months etc.

The sleepers, onesies, hats, mitts, booties, socks and hair bands that she will be using for the first three months are stored in compartments in the changing table drawers. These white fabric organizers are available at IKEA and are great for sorting little items.

I found this bright green woven basket at HomeSense and it makes a perfect toy box.

LIGHTING:

Again from IKEA, although you can't get this one anymore. I bought this wall-mounted light for myself a few years ago and when I redecorated and didn't want to use it anymore I saved it in case I got the chance to put it in a baby room. I love it, it's really pretty, the coloured glass casts a nice soft glow and it matches the room perfectly.

A few years ago I was nannying a baby that had one of these in his nursery. It's a Moon In My Room, made by Uncle Milton. It's three dimensional (not flat like it appears in this pic) and it lights up and looks just like the real moon. It has different settings so baby can enjoy a full moon or any of its lunar phases. It automatically turns off after about 20 minutes and it has a remote control so I can open the door and turn it back on without coming in and disturbing baby, or an older child can turn it on without getting out of bed. I love this product. I bought it back in the day and saved it for my baby in case Uncle Milton stopped making it, which they haven't.

WALLS:

Aside from the big tree decal that I put up beside the crib I also found this one a few months ago at Army and Navy for about $3. I don't like birds in cages but this is OK because the bird is on the outside of the cage...also, it's not a real bird.

Another item that I saved for years. This was mine when I was little and I kept it safe in storage to use if I had a baby girl. Well, years (and years) later I am having a baby girl so it was rescued from storage. The frog prince is also a saved stuffy from my childhood.

And that's it. For now I'm just sitting at home and waiting for the big day. Any minute now...

The Baby Shower.

Because many of my girlfriends live far away, work different schedules or have children of their own I knew it would be too complicated to get everyone together for the shower. So I decided to have just a family-only baby shower and have individual visits with my friends and families I've worked for when they were in town or available. So this weekend was my baby shower with my family which I was really looking forward to.

My mom hosted the party and did a beautiful job of decorating the house and preparing goodies for the party. So here are a few shots of how everything looked.

The entry at the top of the stairs. I was banned from the house for days leading up to the party.

The colour scheme was pink and black with little Halloween touches thrown in for fun because the baby is due just before my favorite holiday.

Here is some grapefruit and raspberry punch and pink flamingo tooth picks. Most of the food was finger food and it was all great. So good I forgot to take photos. Oops.

Top shelf: My mom makes great lemon tarts.

My little cousin Lucy was the only child at the party because all of my other little cousins in Vancouver are boys and were therefore not welcome at the girly shower. She stayed busy decorating cupcakes for everyone.

We played a couple games but this was the cutest. My mom froze water and a pea in these little cups. When they melted it was supposed to represent my water breaking. The person whose pea floated (ice melted) first was the winner. My cousin Lyza won...but only because she licked her ice until she got the pea out! Cheater.

Update.

Just a quick post to talk about changes that have been happening in the last few months.

Update 1:

If you read my last post on baby kicks you know that although it is all very magical I was finding it a little exhausting and honestly...annoying. It still is. As Baby got stronger so did her movements. They changed from what felt like little twitches to stronger rolls and punches, which I think are actually less annoying. I much prefer the strong sometimes painful movements to the ones that are just strong enough to feel like a little spasm under the skin. So I was/have been pretty happy with that change. However what hasn't changed is the worrying about the movements. In this way I am most definitely a first time mom. I've called the midwife at all hours. When Baby moves too much, when Baby doesn't move enough etc. If there was a kiosk in the mall that installed a window in your uterus I would pay twice what I just paid for my IPhone skin.

Update 2:

I now have an IPhone. I don't understand it yet and much like when I switched from a PC to a Mac, the phone and I are NOT bonded yet. It took two months for me to bond with my Mac Book. I don't respond well to electronic change. Most people get a new toy and rush home to spend the night playing with it. I sat on the floor and cried and glared at it from across the room. I behaved the same way with the laptop.

But this has nothing to do with being pregnant except that of course I had trouble changing from my old phone to the new one which left me phoneless for over an hour. This was just enough time to totally convince myself that I would go into labour and be unable to reach my midwife.

Update 3:

Despite having decorated and shopped almost exclusively for girl things since finding out 13 weeks ago that Baby is a girl, I am still paranoid that she will sprout a weenie before her birth and I'll have to rush to return everything. I am looking forward to an upcoming ultrasound (to check on my fibroid) in the hopes that I can convince the tech to take one last peek at the goods.

Update 4:

Symptoms. I've had them all but I still consider myself lucky. I think I've had it relatively easy so far. Every symptom has been manageable and has only lasted a short time. Although recently I have developed carpel tunnel (which is apparently common in pregnancy) and also edema in my hands and feet. This is by far the worst symptom because although it really isn't a big deal it is robbing me of what little sleep I am getting.

Oh sleep! I don't get that anymore. And as the weeks progress so does my need for pillow support at night. I'm now half-way to a sitting position and should be sleeping fully upright by the end of September. My wonderful Snoogle pregnancy pillow is pretty flat now and while I still do use it every night it just isn't enough anymore.

Update 5:

I have loved setting up the nursery and washing, folding and putting away all the baby stuff. It is my favorite part of pregnancy so far. I will share some pics of the nursery soon and of some favorite items I have acquired. I could spend the rest of my life decorating nurseries.

Update 6:

So basically I'm still doing good. The last few weeks have been pretty uncomfortable and I have bad days now where I'm just too exhausted to fake it. I'm still working and will be for another couple weeks. Baby is head down and in position for blast-off or whatever it is that's going to happen to my down-theres. She is still moving like mad but already seems to be lulled by the rocking chair and J's hands on my belly (only his). The midwife predicts she will be long just like her Daddy and today she is hovering around 6 pounds - with 4.5 weeks to go!

So that's it for now.

A Little Story About Life After Death.

So I'm not religious but I found this passage in one of the pregnancy books I read and I liked it. It uses the story of birth as possible proof that there is life after death. I found it interesting so I thought I would share it here:

Once upon a time, twins were conceived in the womb. Seconds, minutes, hours passed as the two dormant lives developed. The spark of life flowed until it fanned fire with the formation of their embryonic brains. With their simple brains came feeling, and with feeling, perception, a perception of surroundings, of each other, of self.

When they perceived the life of each other and their own life, they knew that life was good, and they laughed and rejoiced; the one saying “Lucky are we to have been conceived, and to have this world,” and the other chiming, “Blessed be the Mother who gave us this life and each other.”

Each budded and grew arms and fingers, legs and toes. They stretched their hands and churned and turned in their new-found world. They explored their worlds and in it found the life cord, which gave them life from the precious Mother’s blood. So they sang, “How great is the love of the Mother that she shares all she has with us!” And they were pleased and satisfied with their lot.

Weeks passed into months, and with the advent of each new month they noticed a change in each other and each began to see change in himself. “We are changing,” said the one. “What can it mean?”

“It means,” replied the other, “that we are drawing near to birth.”

An unsettling chill crept over the two, and they both feared, for they knew that birth meant leaving all their world behind.

Said the one, “Were it up to me, I would live here forever.”

“We must be born,” said the other.

“It has happened to all others that were here.” For indeed there was evidence of life there before as the Mother had borne others.

“But mightn’t there be life after birth?”

“How can there be life after birth?” cried the one. “Do we not shed our life cord and also the blood tissue? And have you ever talked to one that has been born? Has anyone ever re-entered the womb after birth? No!” He fell into despair, and in his despair he moaned, “If the purpose of conception and all our growth is that it be ended in birth, then truly our life is absurd.”

Resigned to despair, the one stabbed the darkness with his unseeing eyes and as he clutched his precious life cord to his chest said, “If this is true, and life is absurd then there really can be no Mother.”

“But there is a Mother,” protested the other, “Who else gave us nourishment and our world?”

“We get our own nourishment, and our world has always been here. And if there is a Mother where is she? Have you ever seen her? Does she ever talk to you? No! We invented the Mother because it satisfied a need in us. It made us feel secure and happy.”

Thus while one raved and despaired, the other resigned to birth and placed trust in the hands of the Mother.

Hours stretched into days, and days fell into weeks. And it came time. Both knew their birth was at hand, and both feared what they did not know. As the one was first to be conceived, so he was the first to be born, the other following.

They cried as they were born into the light. And coughed out the fluid and gasped the dry air. And when they were sure they had been born, they opened their eyes seeing for the first time, and found themselves cradled in the warm love of their Mother! They lay open-mouthed and awestruck before the beauty and truth they could not have hoped to have known.

-Anonymous-

Moving Day.

Our cat all packed and ready to go.

So we finally moved! I'm still unpacking at the new place. I was lucky to get this whole week off because the boys I nanny are away visiting their grandparents. Being able to dedicate all my time this week to packing, cleaning and moving was great.

Packing was the worst part. I usually don't mind it. Since I move on average once a year I'm used to packing and the organizer in me actually enjoys placing things in their appropriate boxes. But this time sucked. I'm too big to be bending over every few seconds. Having to squat instead of just bend was physically draining, as was the heat!

I love summer, I love the heat and I love all the activities that come with summer. But since I can't float on my air mattress with a beer in my hand this summer has been a write-off for me. And the apartment was stifling on the days I had to pack which exhausted me further.

By the day before the move I was starting to feel pretty bad and I was afraid I may have pushed myself too far and might start labour early. Luckily my mom came to the rescue and not only helped on moving day but also took the next day off to help me clean the old apartment and shop for the new place.

Everyone warned us that we should move earlier in the pregnancy but that wasn't an option for us. We had neither the money nor the time to move earlier. So if you are moving into a new nest just before the baby is due I have a little advice:

Hire movers. J and I couldn't afford a real moving crew but we did shell out $160 for a rental truck to get everything in one load. And I was lucky that my father donated some of his workers for the day. Even if you're on a tight budget try to stash a little money every month before the move to get yourself some extra help. Even if the savings are only enough to bribe friends.

Don't carry boxes. Make the decision that an extra person is needed to replace the pregnant lady. Let the others struggle with the heavy things and focus your efforts on carrying light things, packing last minute pieces and cleaning up as the rooms empty. Drink lots of water and stop to put your feet up as often as you need. This is not the time to prove you can carry as much as the boys.

Plan ahead. Have a layout of the new place in mind and have at least a general idea of where the big pieces of furniture are going to go. That way you won't realize a dresser should be in the other bedroom after your movers have departed. Obviously packing boxes for their designated room is a good idea too. If you toss random things into boxes at the old place you'll regret it at the new place when every item you unpack requires a walk to the other side of the house.

Have an unpack friend. I love unpacking, deciding where everything should go and putting it all away. Usually I prefer to do this all by myself, but it's not as easy when you're preggers. Even if you have the energy to unpack all day, you might not be able to reach high shelves, low shelves or shuffle boxes and furniture around. You can still decide where everything should go but unpacking will be less exhausting (and safer) if you let a friend put away the heavy bits.

Pack snacks. Have a little box just for moving day that has drinks and snacks in it. It's easy to forget to eat when you're rushing to get everything done. But you will keep your energy up and will last longer if you stop to eat and drink as needed. Whenever I move I plan a lunch hour for myself and the movers into the day. Everyone likes knowing that there is enough time between emptying the old place and filling the new place to stop for lunch. Having food on hand will not only please you and the baby, it'll take a little of the load off the people who are doing the lifting.

Finally, Choose a happy nest. Unless you're rolling in dough you'll never get everything you want in a place so make sure you choose the very best option for your needs. This is a given on any move but having a home you love (or at least really like) will be even more important when you're stuck indoors with a screaming infant. Decide ahead of time what features will make your quality of life better. This may be the time to realize that having a washer and dryer is better than having an ornate spiral staircase. Or maybe having a great view will keep you more sane than having a Starbucks next door will. Everyone is different. Think about what will ease your burdens the most. You will likely be spending more time at home than ever before. I knew what I wanted to make the next year or so as easy on us as possible and I only looked at places that had what we wanted.

It's The Little Things.

I know it's silly but ever since I got pregnant I have been looking forward to parking in the new or expectant mom parking spots.

I used to see them all the time and think, "one day I'll be parking there" but I haven't found any since I got pregnant. Then yesterday I found expectant mom parking at Superstore. I was so excited I made my mom take my photo with the sign. Yes people were laughing at me.

I guess when you're big and uncomfortable, getting no sleep and suffering with joint and ligament pain all you can do is find happiness in the small pleasures. And parking right next to the front door in a spot saved just for big, uncomfortable mommies is definitely a small pleasure.

So True.

I love this onesie that my friend gave me. Because I have taken care of so many babies I do get kinda annoyed with the well-intentioned, "just wait until your baby is born" comments. I ALREADY KNOW IT ALLl!!!!!! I actually don't but those comments do bug me a little. Not everyone goes into parenthood without having ever even changed a diaper.

Can't wait to put this on Baby when we go out in public.

Stay Tuned: After we move I will post some of the items I picked out for the first year and why I chose them.

A Bigger Nest.

J and I just moved into our apartment near Main Street last June. Of course, once we found out we were having a baby we realized our place would be too small, and the lack of an elevator was suddenly a huge drawback.

So as much as we both loved the neighbourhood (except for the Glass Bastards and the Red Patio Party People) we knew we would have to start looking again. Against everyone's advice we put off moving to a more expensive place until the last minute, strictly to save money. So we're packing up and shipping out next week.

The rental market in Vancouver sucks. I won't go into a long rant here because I'm going to tell a long story instead. If you'd like to hear last year's rant on looking for an apartment please see my Airika Owen blog.

I broke down first and decided we'd get a better bang for our buck in Richmond. It wasn't easy to convince J. In fact, he still isn't convinced, but too bad. With the new Canada Line getting out of Richmond is really easy. I reasoned that since J will be in school all day it'll be me that has to be in the apartment and neighbourhood all day and I wanted a nice place with an actual dishwasher and washer/dryer GASP!!! These appliances have not been standard issue in my last few apartments, in fact the one we're in now doesn't even have a double sink.

So now that we have a place and the pressure of looking has been replaced with the pressure of packing I thought I would include a funny story about our search in Richmond.

Most of the apartments/condos in Richmond aren't rentals. Meaning that owners rent out their individual units instead of a landlord in charge of a whole building. A lot of owners don't live nearby so many times the person showing the place works for a real estate company that represents the owners and finds the new tenants.

One evening J and I have an appointment to view an apartment in a building we really like. By now it's the end of the day and my not so little body is pretty worn out from trucking through potential nests. The people from **** rental company are over half and hour late for the appointment, leaving four couples standing at the lobby doors waiting.

When they finally arrive they can't get the fob for the front doors to work. After another 15 minutes of standing around they finally pressure a reluctant resident to allow all 10 of us in.

When we get to suite 706 the keys for the door won't work either. We stand around making awkward conversation with the other prospective tenants while Ms. Real Estate and her assistant jiggle and jimmy the useless key, call their boss Rob The Idiot and mumble apologies to us.

Finally a timid Muslim woman answers the door of the unit to the surprise of everyone. Although she can't speak English she clearly understands that the rental people are expecting her to vacate the residence immediately and they have brought a posse (who are craning their necks trying to get a look at the inside of the apartment) to get the job done. She shuts the door and one of the couples not so gracefully bow out and disappear back into the elevator.

Another few minutes of trying to reach Rob and then the terrified woman re-opens the door and passes out a phone with her husband (who can speak English) on the line. He explains to our tour guides that they have the wrong unit (SURPRISE, SURPRISE) and asks us to leave his wife alone. She no doubt is expecting to be seized by immigration and deported right there on the spot. Poor lady.

Finally Rob calls back and informs his useless staff that they have the wrong building and the unit we want to see is in the building next door. We all file back into the elevator.

On the trip down I'm talking to another couple who are also expecting a baby. She is less than three months pregnant and has only the tiniest bump on her slim frame. She is also dressed to the nines with full hair, jewelry, nails and make-up and they both look like they are hitting the club after they find an apartment. While I'm telling her about the symptoms of pregnancy that lay ahead for her and trying not to bump my huge belly into everyone in the elevator Ms. Real Estate loudly informs all present company that this woman is "still so hot for a pregnant person".

Um thanks. Of course she's hot, she's done-up like a teenage drag queen and her baby is the size of a strawberry. Let's see how hot she is in five months! Stupid Ms. Real Estate.

The fob lets us into the next building and we head up to 706. This time we can hear someone inside but they aren't opening the door to this motley crew. Again we stand around rolling our eyes while the real estate couple fiddle with the keys and call Rob. He tells them he has again made a mistake and the building we're looking for is actually in the next block! Another couple bails and our chances of scoring the suite increase. I think about leaving too but I'm way to curious to see what happens next in this shit show.

Pregnant and exhausted I truck along behind the crew down the street to another building. Third time's the charm right? Now Rob calls and says it's unit 406, not 706. Again the fob opens the front doors to the building and we smoosh into the elevator. But not only will the fob not start the elevator, there is no fourth floor in this building. 1,2,3,5,6 all the way to 12. Why is there no fourth floor? I think because Richmond is predominantly Asian and four is an unlucky number in Asian culture.

For awhile we just stand in the elevator and laugh at the misfortune of Rob's team of jackasses while they speed dial their boss for the hundredth time. I'm hoping this is where the other couple give up, but they seem as determined as we are to see this through 'till the end.

Rob shuffles paperwork and sends us to a building around the corner which he assures his peeps is definitely the correct one. Why has the fob worked in the main doors of the other buildings? That's a question every resident of said buildings should be addressing to their strata.

The next building is much nicer and again the fob works. In the elevator the other couple asks if this unit is still the same price as the advertised unit (a fair question considering the staff's inability to function). Ms. Real Estate isn't sure but she thinks so.

The keys work and we get in! The place is swank. Far nicer than what was advertised and I immediately know there's no way that this is in our price range. The other couple don't seem to meet the same conclusion and are clearly dumbfounded by the good fortune of uncovering this gem in the $1200 rental range.

Now at the end of my rope I ask Ms. Real Estate how much the unit is. At first she says she isn't sure, then she says it might be $1550 but I should check with Rob tomorrow. I should check with Rob? Me?

J can now see steam coming out of my ears and instinctively knows I'm about to blow. He softly pleads with me not to make a scene while at the same time backing up a few steps because he knows it's all over for these losers. Like most guys he will now distance himself from his spouse rather than back her up.

I launch into a tirade about how they have dragged my pregnant (apparently not hot) ass all over Richmond only to tell me that the price has changed, they don't know by how much and I should spend tomorrow on the phone with their idiot boss trying to discern the real price. I tell her it's her job to find out and demand that she do so right away.

Again she says it might be $1550.

I collect myself and ask where the number 1550 is coming from since a moment ago in the elevator she didn't know the price. Once she realizes that pissing off a pregnant woman is tantamount to interfering with an angry rhino she admits that she has the price right in front of her.

I'm actually more amused than angry but I storm out with J and the other couple in tow just to make my point. No one takes the place.