"I Know There's A Pony In Here Somewhere!"

Just a little update on things here before I go to bed:

Notice the blurry hands. She pets the cats at warp speed.
They hate it.

Let's start on a crappy note, shall we? My kitty (I mentioned she was sick in my last post) was put to sleep last week. I had her for so long and I really miss her. In a last ditch attempt to find out what was wrong with her I shelled out the big bucks for a chest x-ray. Actually the vet took two x-rays but she didn't charge me for the second; either because she felt bad for me or because she realized she's been seeing an awful lot of me this year.

Anyway. The x-rays didn't show anything definitive but they did show some spots on Sprout's lungs which were probably cancer that was spreading from somewhere else.

That day Babe was very squirmy and fussy in her stroller and I wasn't getting the opportunity I wanted to say goodbye to Sprout. So I made an appointment the next day to bring Sprout back in. J. came over to visit Babe giving me the opportunity to take Sprout to the vet alone and say goodbye properly.

We had booked the appointment for the end of the day because the vet said then I wouldn't feel rushed to vacate the room, which was thoughtful of her. But what neither of us considered was the the number of people who would be arriving at closing to pick up their pets who had been staying at the clinic. The noise of everyone talking outside the room and the barking of dogs desperate to be reunited with their people stressed the cat out and made it hard for me to focus on the moment. But in the end I was there for my kitty as she took her last breaths and I felt that the decision was made at the right time.

That same day I retrieved my other cat, Bina, from my parent's house and brought her home. I think she's pissed that she no longer has a yard to play in, but she is getting enough exercise outrunning the baby all day.

What else?? Babe has her second cold. This week a friend and I have been taking our babies to the play centre in the nearby mall because the weather has turned. So surprise, surprise! Now she's sick. It was bound to happen and it's not really a big deal, but there it is. I hate having the snot-nosed kid, everyone thinks you're gross (or is that just what I think when I see snot-nosed kids?).

And despite working out and running almost every day I seem to be heavier than I was in June. WTF? And if one more person says muscle weighs more than fat I'm gonna smack them in the face. My mother who consistently complains about being fat weighs less while holding Babe on the scale than I do by myself. Awesome! I told her I hope she has osteoporosis and that it's her lack of bone density that is making her so much lighter than me. Turns out she's being tested for that next week so it wasn't as funny as I had hoped.

I'm still looking for work. My maternity runs out at the end of the month and I have nothing lined up. I was offered a great job in another province but after careful consideration it just didn't make sense to move that far away right now. It was disappointing to have to turn it down. If I were single I'd have accepted it in a heartbeat. But it wasn't right for Babe and I. It was additionally stressful that the paper called to offer me the job while I was at the vet's office putting the cat to sleep.

Initially I was thinking that I might have to temporarily go on welfare if I can't find a job before my maternity runs out. Just to keep us fed. I mentioned this to a woman at B.C. Housing (I was checking on our application from over a year ago) and among the many depressing things she told me about the welfare application process was her advice that, "As a new single mother you're going to have to get used to the fact that your life is going to be pretty miserable for the next few years". Helpful. Thank-you.

I reminded myself that her office is probably flooded all day with people who are miserable in miserable situations and that she probably only sees people who are beaten down and have given up. But she doesn't know me, she doesn't know my drive, my energy level or how hard I can work to stay in a good place. So I chose to write her off as cranky and inaccurate.

Luckily for me (because I was starting to picture myself working as an escort or at McDonald's) the provincial government now has a lot of good services and programs designed to help parents return to work after being on maternity (if you aren't returning to your previous job). So I've been trying to make the most of that help and I think it will expand my search. And I may even get the opportunity to go back to school for a bit!

So right now it's no job, no income, a dead kitty, a broken family and I'm fat. But despite how hard it's been lately things are slowly falling into place and life is pretty decent. As the blog title says and in reference to this current pile of shit; "I know there's a pony in here somewhere."

In case you are unfamiliar with the phrase, it comes from this joke: "There once were twin boys. One of them was an optimist and the other was a pessimist. The parents, wanting to understand why their children were so different took the boys to a psychiatrist. He devised an experiment to figure it out. The psychiatrist led the first boy into a room filled with toys. But the child burst into tears. The doctor asked why and the child replied, "If I start playing with these toys I'm afraid that I might break one". The psychiatrist noted that this was the pessimistic child. Then the psychiatrist led the second boy into a room filled to the ceiling with horse manure. The boy immediately knelt down and began happily digging through the poop. The doctor asked the child why he was doing that, to which the boy replied, "I know there's a pony in here somewhere!" 

So in happy news, Babe is standing and cruising along furniture now. To help her practice walking we went to the toy store to pick out something she could ride and push. We picked the Playskool Rock n' Roll Rider pictured below. It plays music and motorcycle sounds and it can convert into a walker. Babe loooooves being pushed around the apartment. She especially likes cruising past the mirrors so she can see how badass she is.

Here is a short clip of Babe dancing to the beats while it's still in the box. The quality sucks - blame Blogger, I can't seem to fix it.

And in an attempt to get another area of my life back on track I swallowed my pride and signed up for online dating with a website that asks you a million questions and then matches you with potential mates. Ironically I was immediately "matched up" with my ex. I guess the site actually works. I mean, we were together for two years so we are obviously fairly compatible. Life is funny.